Uncle Jim

Not someone who should be within 50 miles of a school zone.

My bully chasing me: "You've got nowhere to run dipshit"
My Uncle Jim: *appears*
MY bully now realizing that we are not within 50 miles of a school zone: *prepares his asshole*

Dirty Dan

The fucking jackass who keeps calling me Pinwheel Larry despite him knowing that I am the real Dirty Dan.

"I'm the real Dirty Dan"
"No I'm the real Dirty Dan"