The Caesar

When you stab a sexual partner 23 times (the amount of times Julius Caesar was allegedly stabbed by his conspirators) but with your penis not a knife. Also none of the thrusts are into an orifice or sexual in their nature. This is an immature yet hilarious act to carry out, usually when drunk.

God Alex pissed me off last night - he came back from the pub and woke me up by doing the Caesar all over my back and arms when really I was hoping he’d wake me up for sex. Then he laughed himself to sleep about it. He’s such a jerk.

The chimpanzee

When you make a girl sit on her knees and finger herself with both hands whilst sucking you off

Hey did you hear about last night? Brad made his wife, Angelina, do the chimpanzee and now she’s divorcing him and taking all their kids

Rhino’s horn

An eye wateringly large and dimensioned dildo that defies the laws of physics in regards to the human body. Also a similar length and girth to a rhino’s actual horn.

I was on this girl’s bed and we were fooling around when she reached into her drawer and pulled out a hell of a rhino’s horn. It wouldn’t have been a fair contest so I apologised and immediately left.