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The most fucking disgusting person I've ever heard. Holds absolutely nothing sacred, at all. Jokes include getting an abortion just to see what it's like to kill a baby, getting a blowjob from a retarded townhouse baby, Sarah Palin having two retarded kids (down syndrome and joining the military), etc. Royally pisses off prissy people with a stick up their ass who think life is serious enough to become offended by a shock comedian. What every human on the planet should aspire to be in ways, not so much in others but he admits it and that just adds to his being likable.
Did you know Doug Stanhope got granulomas after his vasectomy? No? Well then go listen to the bit on it.
44👍 113👎
A group of people that I can honestly say I am, in fact, not jealous of. They seem to be perfectly willing to display their desperation for material possessions and total lack of self-confidence in that they need to fabricate it by way of owning big things to attract your attention away from their small package, which was most likely caused by the steroids many of them use.
And yeah, I'm a Sox fan. Problem is, you can't really refute what I say by saying I'm biased, because I admit the Sox are barely better-almost all athletes are shallow, materialistic assholes. But you notice the Sox are the ones actually taking some care of their fans and not charging $1250 a seat.
Pull your heads out, Yankees; in the end it doesn't matter if you're good or not. You're not curing cancer, you're just playing a sport.
The Yankees may have won more championships, but they're also brilliant choke artists. Man it's fun watching people hop on and off the bandwagon on a game-to-game basis based on if ARod can very gayly knock a ball out of a baseman's hand and expect it to work or not.
28👍 21👎
A dude who likes making music and is-if judging on musical standards and not personal bias-pretty damn good at it. In my personal opinion a great screamer, but that's not for everybody. Come on folks, shut the fuck up about him being a "god". If you actually got any of his music you'd realize he's just dicking around when he acts like he has an ego because existence itself doesn't matter at all and he knows that, so why not let your anger and other demons out in a song so you can move on with your day?
In other words? Stop being that dude who listens to Sober and goes "This song is about me and my girlfriend. -Sob.-" No, no it's not.
Oh and by the way, kudos to someone for finally writing a song telling fans who rag on their band to fuck off. If you actually listen to Hooker With A Penis, it's directed at fans who are like "ONGZ THIS SOUNDS TOO MAINSTREAM!" and the fact that they support the mainstream just by listening to Tool because you're still giving money to record companies run by corporate fatcats, thus creating awful hypocrisy.
Tool (ironic): Oh my god, Maynard James Keenan is such a god, I wanna fuck him all night long cuz he's like so hot and relates to me so much. Listen to Sober! It's such a great song for when you're feeling bummed after a breakup.
Non-tool: ...I think maybe you're just retarded and don't get it. Like, anything about life. At all. I don't even know why someone would bother trying to explain this on Urban Dictionary.
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