Cujos

Proper Noun: A religion and compilation of theoretical ideas based off of the supernatural effects of masturbating.

The basic theory is that if one masturbates, he will have a negative events happening to him for a 24 hour or more period. The events vary in negativity depending on the consecutive masturbations before a period has ended, intensity of masturbation, and subject of masturbation. There are many more factors, but they have been untested and cannot be defined at this moment.

The prophet and founder, ironically, is an avid masturbator.

Verb: The act of masturbating while believing that there are negative effects to it.

Example:
Kevin: I almost got laid last night. Dammit!
Paul: Why? What happened?
Kevin: As the chick was coming out of my Enzo Ferrari to go home with me, a meteor, with the words "fuck you" inscribed in it, crashed down and killed her and smashed the beautiful Enzo as well.
Paul: What a coincidence.
Kevin: No, I had it coming. I cujos'd for 5 hours straight every night for the last 5 month while watching Hannah Montanna, Wizards of Waverly Place, and various other Disney TV shows.

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