jesus wafer

The thin, brittle slice of "bread" that passes for the body of Christ during communion. It is, of course, washed down with a swig of Jesus juice.

Gregg: Why are you awake now? You were hammered last night.
Doug: Dude, I'm getting dragged to church.
Gregg: Oh, lame.
Doug: It's cool. I can space out until they serve the jesus wafers. They always help my hangover.

glass table

verb:

1) one-upping someone by buying a glass table and interrupting them in the middle of a story to talk about how shiny it is

2) a complicated ritual for one-upping someone during a threesome.

1) Anne: Hey, I just got a sweet deal on a brand new car! It's a...
Lynn: (interrupting) I just bought a brand new glass dining room table.
LATER
Anne: to friends Oh my God, Lynn totally glass tabled me.

2) Anne: So Lynn and my husband were totally leaving me out in the middle of a threesome, so I glass tabled her.
Joseph: You WHAT?!
Anne: Y'know, she had her eyes closed, ignoring me, so I sat on her face.

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