Sportster

All-time best street bike ever built. Introduced by Harley Davidson in 1957 to combat the invading British Triumphs, Nortons and BSAs on the track and on the street. The best selling middleweight motorcycle in history.

Unique among Harleys, the Sportster engine and transmission are in one case, whereas the so-called Big Twins have a seperate transmission case. Pre 1986 Sportsters featured iron heads and are called (DUH!) Ironheads. '86 to present are the next generation Evolution, or Evo, Sportster and feature alloy heads and a 5-speed transmission. The most recent models feature rubber-mounted engines.

Sportster-based motorcycles have dominated flat-track racing since the late 1960s. Many early choppers and customs were built from Sportsters, as well as land speed record bikes.

Calling a Sportster a "girl's bike" or "Shortster" may result in a visit to a dentist.

Lots of Yuppie Softail wankers ignore the fact an 883 Sportster makes almost as many horses as their Evo Big Twin, but the Sporty is two hundred pounds lighter. No contest, Sportsters kick ass!

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bumper balls

A vehicle accessory for those who lack a pair of their own, consisting of a rubber scrotum and testes dangling from the underside of their bumper, trailer hitch, rear axle, etc.

bumper balls are a poor substitute for having a real pair, buddy.

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Evo

Short for Evolution, a series of Harley-Davidson engines. The "big twin" Evo replaced the Shovelhead in 1984, replaced by the Twin Cam in 1999. The Evo Sportster or XL replaced the Ironhead in 1986 and is still in production, albeit in a rubber-mount format.

Stock Evo big twins have an 80-inch displacement.

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pickled Jesus candles

Those tall jar candles with the bizarre, often gruesome, Catholic iconography on the outside of the jar. Usually found at Mexican markets, religious gift stores, and the ethnic food section at the supermarket.

Shop 'n' Rob in Bay Point has a great selection of pickled Jesus candles.

No, I'm not Catholic, I just like pickled Jesus candles.

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chow poo yuk

The nasty smell of nearly all Chinese restaurant restrooms.

Dim Sum Palace has some major chow poo yuk.

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chopper

A modified, customized motorcycle, typically a Harley Davidson, although "back in the day" Indian, Triumph and BSA motorcycles were "chopped" and these days Japanese motorcycles are being transformed into choppers.

The term "chopper" comes from the origins of motorcycle customization. Unnecessary parts were (sometimes literally) "chopped" off to reduce the weight of the motorcycle and increase its performance for racing. Rear fenders were "bobbed" (where the term "bobber" comes from), front fenders, crash bars, saddlebags, windshields, head and tail lights, kickstands, mufflers, etc. were all discarded to improve the machine's power-to-weight ratio. Forks were extended to improve ground clearance and later raked to compensate for better stability.

Contrary to popular belief, a chopper is not simply a motorcycle built with long forks, a stretched frame, chrome and billet crap and a gazillion-color $10K paintjob. True choppers are generally built from another motorcycle or motorcycles, by the owner of the motorcycle and modifications are done to the builder/owner's desires and usually done on a budget.

The big-bucks "chopper" shops do not build choppers. OCC does not build true choppers. They build custom motorcycles. A custom can emulate the classic chopper styles (bobber, East Bay lowrider, digger, fat bob, etc.) but it is not a true chopper. Same as a fibreglass-bodied 350/350-powered 5-window coupe that looks like a hot rod, it is not a true hot rod.

Whose motorcycle is this?
It's a chopper, baby.
Whose chopper is this?
It's Zed's.
Who's Zed?
Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

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French key

European slang for a Crescent wrench.

I need the damn French Key, this socket is too big.

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