tie your shoe at your funeral

An expression of sarcastic pity or sympathy.

Person 1: Like, oh. my. gawd. I broke a nail!!! I'm, like, dying!
Person 2: (sarcastically) Awww, I'll tie your shoe at your funeral.

red jacket

n. A character in a science fiction show, who dies soon in the episode. This character often acts nonchalant or sometimes even cowardly. Often their name is only mentioned in passing, or are given no name at all.

Taken from characters in Star Trek who wore red shirt/jackety things.

Random guy: What could possibly go wrong?
Other character: Ooooh, he's gonna be a red jacket...

try not to die

an expression of irritation when someone acts overly dramatic in a situation

Person 1: OMG!!! I forgot to study! *faints*
Person 2: Oh, try not to die!