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A sports term used when the coach is related to a sponsor of the team. Can also be other sports, i.e. baseball-in-law, football-in-law, and many more. The most famous Soccer-in-Law is Midge Middleton whose mother-in-law, Beatrice, sometimes coaches soccer. If you want sports action that is truly raw cheer for your favorite Soccer-in-Law!
Beatrice: Oh no, another soccer game! We need some serious stuff here.
Midge: I know, I'm a Soccer-in-Law! The kids need ice cream and things like that.
Beatrice: Okay, why don't you take me by the clubhouse at 9:00 and pick up the soccer things and then run by Coach K's and get some Coach K Chicken. I have to be at the field at 10:00 for pre-game stretches. And then we can go back at 11:00 for ice cream.
Midge: Sure! but all that would be rough on me. I'll probably need some of those warm up stretches myself. (She starts stretching herself)
Beatrice: There you go! That's what we're talking about. A little pre-game workout never hurts. You may be my daughter-in-law, but you're also a Soccer-in-Law. I'll see you later. (she blows the coach's whistle) Hey kids, move it!
Midge: (walks off the field) My mother-in-law's a great coach. And I'm the best Soccer-in-Law there is! Soccer-in-Laws are sweet@
A painful lower leg condition most notably suffered by Ben Hatley. Especially if he hasn't stretched before running. This condition is often very painful causing Ben to scream. A notable example of Bendinitis happened on May 12, 2006 when he didn't realize he and Liv were only stretching before running. But it can quickly be made up.
Ben: Oh no, I shouldn't have gone running. I've got a terrible Bendinitis.
Liv: Well, you should have stretched. A Liv Lean would have done it! Or maybe a Ben Ball. They stretch the shins.
Ben: Crazy cramp! Will this ever end? (he makes a seething sound as if it really hurts) Hey Liv, massage this for me, will you?
Liv: (laughing) Okay, okay, I'll massage it. Here, let me stretch it for you, too. Easy now, we'll get rid of that old Bendinitis. We'll send it back where it came from. It won't be coming back!
Ben: Whoah! Maybe you're right. A good stretch should do it. (he leans into a Ben Ball) That's the ticket. That's better.
Liv: I know. Bendinitis hurts! But, we can always make up for it. Just remember, Bendinitis hurts, so stretch it out first. (She laughs)
its an abdominal exercise created and done by Ben Cranston. Done by standing someone on your chest and then doing a situp so they crunch against you.
Ben: Boy, this Cranston Crunch is a real ab killer!
Opal: What's a Cranston Crunch? I've never tried that.
Ben: You're gonna love it. Stand on my belly, I'll show you what it is.
Patty: Easy, dad, she might fall off.
Ben: (Laughing) Who cares?! Its a real gut buster.
A judo throw similar to the Horsey Hug done much the same way, e.g. wrapping the hands around the person's neck so you're hugging them. Then throwing the legs into the hug so the whole body is involved. This version of the throw was introduced by Mabel Motley, a character in a comic strip called "Motley's Crew" which no longer exists, 1976-2000. She has been known to use it on her husband, Mike.
Mabel: Whoah! I haven't done my judo in so long. I bet its time for a Motley Mash. (yelling for Mike) Mike, come here!
Mike: Hey! You're doing the Motley Mash, I see. Come on and give me a squeeze. (he hugs her with his legs)
Mabel: Wait, you didn't get your hands in there. Its not a Motley Mash yet. (she throws him) There!
Jim: Hey, I know judo. Can I play, too? (he picks Mabel up and throws her)
Mabel: Whoah, what a crush! You just gave me a Motley Mash. What belt are you at?
Jim: (laughing) 3rd kyu brown. I've been studying this for years. I do it on the Misses all the time. Man, me and wife Iris, we toss each other around like a rag doll. (yelling) Rear naked choke! (he throws Mike on the ground and does a rear naked choke)
Mabel: (screaming) This is one big judo bash, and it all started from the Motley Mash!
A martial art most often practiced by older women. Most often uses a cane as a weapon. A lot of loose skin and canes flying.
Beatirce Middleton had to employ Cane Fu when the neighbor's dog got surly.
Intense love for the Toledo Mudhens. Most notably shown by old time players for them. Especially Ed Crankshaft and Fred "Dusty" Duncan.
Dusty: Hey Ed, there's a Mudhens game on the TV tonight. Want to watch it?
Ed: Oh yeah, big time muddy love, man!
Dusty: I bet we're in it, too! This must be from at least 1945.
Ed: Once a Mudhen, always a Mudhen. You never lose the muddy love!
A massage given by Flo Rogers to her best friend and fellow military granny, Beatrice Middleton. A Rogers Rub is most often given before a card game or any other hard time. Rogers Rub is guaranteed to melt stress away. Not a believer yet? Ask Flo Rogers to give you one one time. You will love it! Flo Rogers guaranteed! S.W.A.A.
Flo: Oh no, I'm so stiff. They don't call it Body Poker for nothing. My whole body hurts. I need my Rogers Rub.
Beatrice: (she is putting the cards back) A Rogers Rub? Give me one too! You know I like them. Let's use the Martian Mud.
Flo: Sure, full body or just half?
Beatrice: Well, you know it works best if you go full body with it. A Gunny Granny can't take stress. Hey, its a dirty job, but a Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do!
Flo: Hey, I know the feeling. I love a massage, too. And the Rogers Rub is one of the best ways. It sure does melt your body! (Flo and Beatrice start massaging each other)
Beatrice: Oh yeah, this is just flying away. That Body Poker game really took a lot out of me.
Flo: Yeah, it did me too. But, see, a Rogers Rub is a great massage! And it isn't just a massage, we can stretch while we're doing it. (she starts stretching on Flo's ankle)
Flo: (reaches up and kisses Beatrice) Yes, the Rogers Rub - one of the best Sea Granny secrets! A Sea Granny cannot set sail without a Rogers Rub. So creamy!