Geezoid

A ladyboy, transexxual or shemale.

"Jeez Mick, have you seen the arse on that girl over there? She's a real beauty"

"You've had far too much to drink Ed, that's a geezoid"

"Shit".

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Wanking on the door knob

The informal term for Auto Erotic Asphyxiaton by hanging onesself from the door - commonly used by coroners & medical examiners in informal setting

Did you determine the cause of death Scott?
I think we can rule out foul play Ed, I'm fairly certain he was just wanking on the door knob.