Pork Scotch Pants

Discusting Tartan Boxer shorts that smell like shit. The only reason anyone knows that he wears these is because he came out of the bathroom in the morning while I was witing for the toilet and he had nothing on besides these. He seemed very embarassed and ran as fast as the little man could. When I walked in I realised why he was embarassed and ran to his room. The toilet stank like the worst pile of shit ever created. I ran straight back out. I used a pint of Air freshener and could still smell it at the bottom of the stairs.

ME: You'll never guess what I just saw.

DAD: What?

ME: Lets call them Pork Scotch pants. He came out of the bathroom and ran to his room wearing Tartan boxers. The bathroom stank!

223👍 24👎

Pork Scotch Keys

A huge set of keys that make someone that is truly as important as a little fat security guard look as important as they actually are. Never seen without the holder wearing some Pork Scotch Shades and a gay Dickurity Guard uniform.

Flonkule: Hi Dad, I see the Scotcher is here.

Dad: Yeah I saw him earlier witha set of Pork Scotch Keys. They make him look so important.

111👍 11👎

Scotchy Meter

The Scale that shows how scotchy someone is. At the top of the scale is the Scotchy Mother, then Pork Scotch. The Meter shows that no one in the Scotchy World is as Scotchy as The Scotchy Mother. She is even more scotchy than THE Pork Scotch.

Scotchy Mother: I'm the Scotchiest person in the world. The Scotchy Meter says so. I'm even Scotchier than my son, he'll never beat me.

Pork Scotch: Yes I will, Mum. Don't forget I'm a Koala.

64👍 6👎

Shaquille O'Neal

A 7 foot tall basketballer, named after Neil for being such an enormous giant.

Hey, look. Is that Shaquille O'Neal, or is it Neil?

You should know that's Neil, no one else is that big.

146👍 32👎

Maltby Bog

Formerly Known as, Nogtard's Bog. The bog that belonged to Nogtard until it was put on the Maltby Lorry aside the Pork Scotch Cone. A day after the bog claimed residency of the lorry, a packet of ginger found its way into the bog. mmm, ginger.

Nogtard: Nickin me bog then?

Dad: It belongs to the heroes now. It's called the Maltby Bog.

65👍 7👎

Pork Scotch 2

Abreviated to PS2. A second man that has a Pork Scotch but is in complete contrast to the original Pork Scotch. He is actually a really nice bloke that you can relate to and be friends with. Pork Scotch is a boring, fat old security guard that believes he is supreme enough place a cone where he parks his shitty old van with an odd number of windows. PS2 also has a white van with normal van windows that is much cleaner than Pork Scoth's. He will join Pork Scotch at his several barbeques and has a son we call PSP. Pork Scotch 2's real name is Jim. The 2 Pork Scotch's rooms are right next to each other in the same flats building. They each wear different hats, Pork Scotch has a gay buffalo hat and Pork Scotch 2 has a cap.

Me: A up Jim. What are you gonna do today?

Pork Scotch 2: I'm gonna go with Ant and my Mum to town and watch TV with them, mate.

Me: Ok, what about you Harry?

Pork Scotch: I'm gonna go to the pub to watch Arsenal lose and then eat some garlic bread with Goofy Granny.

198👍 63👎

Maltby Misfits

Maltby employees that aren't heroes. They lost the title "hero" by taking Nogtard's Bog and Pork Scotch's Cone out of the Maltby Lorry. They should be fired. You have to be a hero to work for Maltby.

Mick: LOOK!!! THE BOG'S GONE!!!!!

Monk: OH NO!!! It was obviously Maltby Misfits.

64👍 16👎