Dan Bergstein

An acclaimed genius who rightfully describes the Twilight series characters (i.e. Pedweird is a pedophiliac stalker with control issues and Smelly Belly is a horny teenager who complains about her life and would rather have a controlling boyfriend than outdoor spaghetti) in a hilarious blog. An icon of Sparknotes. Also known as Lt. Lasermind.

Kid 1: Lt. Lasermind is a genius.
Kid 2: Pedweird and Smelly Belly are stupid, according to him.
Kid 1: I want to go onto Sparknotes and read his latest blog.
Kid 2: Dan Bergstein is the highlight of the entire site.
Kid 1: Let's have some outdoor spaghetti, too!

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