Hawohh

Said in an Elmar Fudd-like voice and used by an employee to their boss as the first word spoken when attempting to phone in sick

Hawohh is the first step in sounding sick in order to be perceived sick. You must ensure a whoozy, almost ready to vomit speech pattern so that you can off the phone quickly and back to your video game. Add some additional gems such as "I've been up all night" (at a bar) and "I've been on the toilet, it's coming out both ends (note you didn't say which ends!)

Ukinunt

Nasally insult offered to you by a drunken street person who doesn't like you

Drunk person; hey bud, you gotta dolla?
You; (says nothing)
Drunk person; 'en y'r an ukinunt

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Fridge Squirrel

The annoying person in your office that takes up the majority of space in the communal refrigerator

The fridge squirrel feels the need to take an entire month's food supply into the office environment leaving no room for anyone elses.The fridge squirrel refrigerates everything,including unopened tins of tuna, and also likes to buy in bulk (2 litre soft drinks etc.)

Jalapenis

The burning feeling felt after forgetting to wash your hands after handling chilies, and then urinating.

He walked out of the toilets in pain, a severe case of jalapenis ..... will teach him to wear rubber gloves next time he cooks mexican!

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Alcohol Mathematics

The equation used by a drunk person trying to figure the effects of the next few drinks

Using alcohol mathematics is a simple formula;

"I've had eight beers now and I feel really good ..... so if I have have another eight beers I'll feel TWICE as good!"

It gets worse when combined with a work day, figure this;

(I've used USA names in keeping with the American flavour)

Dirk; Hey, it's 2am .... don't you have a presentation to the board at 9
T-Bone; Yeah, but I figure I'm going to drink till 6, have a shower and breakfast, then write the presentation between 6:15 and 7:30, and that gives me an hour and a half to get to work by the public transport system (note the responsibility shown) and finish rehearsing on the train
Dirk; Boy, T-Bone, that multi-million dollar contract is in the bag .... another double bourbon?

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Dexy's Midnight Mumbler

A Dexy's Midnight Mumbler is a person trying to lip sync the words of Dexy's Midnight Runner's classic hit "Come On Eileen"

Nobody knows the words to Come on Eileen, not even Dexy's Midnight Runners, and they wrote the stupid song.

But 1am at a retro disc, lights down, notice how everyone on the dance floor seems to know the words ..... match perfect?

Here's the real lyrics .........

"Come on Eileen, I swear, well he means
Ah come on let's, take off everything
Pretty red dress Eileen (Tell him yes)
Ah come on let's, ah come on Eileen
Pretty red dress Eileen (Tell him yes)
Ah come on let's, ah come on Eileen, please"

And if you turned off the music suddenly, this is what you would hear from the Dexy's Midnight Mumbler .....

"Come on Elieen ....... da da da I mean
come on yeah ..... everything
and that dress .... and that dress
come on yeah ...... oh Eileen .......... (you get the picture)

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Pisscuse

The often lame explaination that you use when someone identifies you as talking to them on your mobile phone whilst peeing.

Caller; So, if we lower the price by around a third we can get to .......
Customer; Sorry, but why is your voice so echoey? And what's that splashing sound?
Caller; Oh ...... I'm calling from a carpark ..... and that's a fountain in the background ... of the carpark
Customer; Sounds like a pisscuse to me; I'm now going to cancel your multi million dollar order