homo plaintextus

An early form of lesser-evolved human being known for its use of primitive tools such as plain-text emails.

Jack: "I just got an email from John. Can you believe that Homo Plaintextus sent it in plain text?"
Jill: "Are you kidding? And he sent it from Hotmail? Obviously a very early example of the species."

joy hammer

The name every man on planet earth gives his penis.

Jack: Hey baby, my joy hammer is ready to fix all your problems.
Jill: Sorry dude, I had my heart set on a pink taco...