Tit-tanic

Tits that are saggy; sinking.

Guy: Dude, look, that bitch has nice tits.

Guy 2: More like tit-tanics.

22👍 4👎

Fucking Stop

The appropriate reply to a dead baby joke.

Douche: What's pink, bubbly, and tapping on the glass? A de-

Guy: Fucking stop.

44👍 15👎

Revenge

Asking someone else out on your bitch ex-girlfriend's birthday, then showing the new girl off in front of her.

(Works only if you were the one dumped and the girl is having second thoughts, or was a total bitch but still wants you.)

Evan: So Harley, have you met Emily?

Harley: Um, no... Hi.

Emily: Hello

Evan: Well, we should probably go... we have a movie to catch, a dinner to eat, and awesome sex to have. Bye Harley!

Harley: :'(

*Later*

Emily: What was that all about?

Evan: That, my dear, was revenge.

33👍 21👎

Cousin

A hillbilly term for wife.

Hank: No, it's my cousin's.

Kahn: Isn't cousin a hillbilly term for wife?

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When You're High

The only time (besides when you're drunk)where everything you hear/say is fucking hilarious (to you).

High Guy: Dude, this bag of Cheetos is going to fuck a your mom

Dude: That's only funny when you're high...

7👍 7👎

You Just Got Dicked With!

A cry of glory, usually cried out during a video game battle or backyard football game, proclaiming that the person (or persons) opposing the speaker were fucking owned.

Brandon: Dude, he just fucking no-scoped me.

Chase: You just got dicked with!

7👍 2👎