Roan

An epic gamer. An absolute legend. Will beat you at Fortnite, Club Penguin, Minecraft, Flappy Golf 2, Pokémon Go, Roblox, and pretty much anything.

Has a HUGE penis. Everyone looks up to him. Great sense of humor. Insanely hot. Biggest ass ever known to mankind. Legend has it that if you grab his ass you will pass out and wake up worshiping him for the rest of your life. Will cancel plans to work on Destroy Dick December. Has a pornucopia that you don’t know about hidden on his computer. Sex God. Basically the most amazing thing to ever happen to anyone who ever lays eyes upon this glorious creation.

Guy #1: “Hey when are we hanging out?”
Guy #2: “Sorry, I saw a fucking ROAN yesterday and I need to stay home for the next month and stare at the picture I took of him.”
Guy #1: NO FUCKING WAY ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS CAN I PLEASE COME OVER AND JERK OFF TO THE PICTURE WITH YOU PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WTF OMFG I’LL GIVE ALL OF MY LIFE SAVINGS TO LOOK AT THAT PICTURE PLEASE IF YOU DON’T LET ME LOOK AT IT I’M LITERALLY GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!!”

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