Westchester

A group of parasites feeding off of the wealth and prosperity that rightly belongs to New York City. Would certainly not exist without the five boroughs directly south of it. If you happen to be in the east side of Manhattan, keep an eye out for a tall person wearing Vineyard Vines sporting a briefcase.

Be especially careful when near Metro-North train stations. If you happen to be near a train station, read the timetables so you can stay safe when a train approaches and Westchester residents get off.

Worst case scenario, if you ever find yourself in Westchester try and be along the Harlem Metro North Line. People who reside in places such as Bronxville, Scarsdale and White Plains tend to be more tolerable than people who reside in places like New Rochelle, Larchmont and Rye.

If you happen to be in the North part of Westchester county, try and take a train further north as that could be your best escape route. Try and get to a New Haven Line train and take a train to Connecticut which is the quickest way to escape. If this option is unavailable, take a train to Brewster or Manitou which are in Putnam county and therefore much safer.

For your own safety, please do not take any peak-direction trains during rush hour. This includes trains going in to the city in the morning and out of the city in the evening. These trains are full of pests who are slowly feeding on New York City and you should never be around them.

Westchester is a terrible terrible place. Perhaps I would rather reside in Hell.

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