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Keyser Kerplop

Like it’s cousin the Cleveland Steamer, the Keyser Kerplop involves laying down a deuce upon ones sexual partners chest or groin. This iteration however is taken after stopping by and eating too much at Extended Family Funeral wakes or after eating too many chillie dogs from Marties Hot Dog Stand on Main Street.

Did You hear about Charlie?
No,why what happened…
He ate too much food at the Bergman family wake and after going home and getting frisky with his life partner Davis, he unloaded a Keyser Kerplop that was heard three blocks away….

by Esterlino Dorado January 5, 2022


Keyser Coffee Filter

Similar to other sex acts known as coffee filter but with a dramatic twist reusing the undies for an actual coffee filter

Charl: I was giving Davit a real coffee filter with the Taco Bell I had eaten and stained up my tighty whities good. After our sexual frenzy was over I washed out the tighty whities and since they were already stained I used them to filter my coffee grounds in the percolator because I had run out of paper ones.
Winks: sounds like you invented the Keyser Coffee Filter. A nice mix of poo and dark roast caffeine!

by Esterlino Dorado February 18, 2022


Fort Ashby Funnel Cake

When you feel a grumble in your guts and you try to get your undies down in time with no luck and your warm diarrhea gets squirted through the cloth like fresh batter through a funnel screen at the county fair.

Joe: When Carolus was driving back from Cumberland to go to a DMV appointment he felt severe intestinal disturbance and pulled off the side of the road. Unfortunately he didn’t get his drawers down in time and made a huge Fort Ashby Funnel cake along side highway 15 by the museum.
Drago: Dang that sucks. He ruined those undies for sure

by Esterlino Dorado January 5, 2022


Allegheny Advance

When you whip your Dick out during a traffic stop in hopes of avoiding a ticket and sprinkle french fries on top as that’s the way of things in Pittsburgh

Officer Popovitski pulled over a vehicle and noticed upon inspection of the driver (Jek Shieldkins) that Jek had pulled out his penis and sprinkled fries on top. Officer Popovitski complimented Jek on his Allegheny advance display, gave him a warning on his loud Rap music playing and sent him on his way.

by Esterlino Dorado April 11, 2022


Benniwinks

Pretty fly for a white guy. That one friend you have that seems quiet but has plenty of stories to tell you that are quite shocking.

Lars: Has anyone seen Leopold
Charles: nah man, that cat is working at the library.
Timotheus: He’s actually out at the city park on the swing sets making a mix tape. he’s a total Benniwinks

by Esterlino Dorado January 25, 2022


Glen Allen Grantwich

When you are watching Football (Usually the JMU Dukes) with your home boyz from Glen Allen and decide to set up a slip n slide. Since it’s the Richmond metro area, the only thing you have to put on it to help slide is pimento cheese and northern neck ginger ale. The resulting greasy man pile at the end is a Grantwich

Grantford: let’s set up the slip n slide out back.
Richardo: I’ll grab the pimento cheese and this northern neck gingerale to lube it with.
Home boyz: weeeeee!!!!! (Crashing and piling up at the end shirtless and greasy)
Grantford: This is the best Glen Allen Grantwich we’ve ever made!!!!

by Esterlino Dorado April 12, 2022

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Knobley Road Monster

A purported Big Foot like creature but much shorter. Makes indiscernible noises and mumblings residing in the Hills of Mineral County, WV. Known to steal frozen chicken patties out of peoples freezers.

Benni: I was in Keyser yesterday and heard numerous mumblings and indiscernible voices coming from the woods. Nothing could be translated from voice to text.
Grégoire: I’ve been told it’s the Knobley Road Monster, a small fury monster that’s half monkey half midget man. I’ve heard the mumblings and indiscernible voices are from when it’s gnawing on frozen chicken patties that it’s stolen from local folks meat freezers.

by Esterlino Dorado January 25, 2022