cryosculophobia

Morbid fear of one's lips making contact and freezing fast to the ice if one slips and falls flat on one's face while ice skating.

I've got cryosculophobia. There's no way I'm going out on these skates without a face guard.

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Pazuzu

Ancient middle eastern divinity who becomes a demon in the Exorcist franchise. Best pronounced in a low-pitched, gravelly, strangled sort of voice followed by at least three short laughs in the same tone.

I am PAZUZU, HA-HA-HA. I am a mean son of a bitch of a devil, but then I screw it all up by protecting expectant mothers.

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Pudenda

Technical term for female genitalia. Comes from a Latin expression meaning "shameful parts". On that count alone it should be struck from the language.

Don't call them pudenda no more.

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open-minded

1. Ready to accept on firm evidence that one's most cherished beliefs may be hogwash, but bearing in mind that extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence.

2. Politically correct synonym for "gullible" used by New Age quacks who want to sell you a bill of goods.

I am open-minded about the existence of the Judeo-Christian God. If he appears in the immortal flesh in the heavens to me and a few billion other people and manifests his power openly in such a manner that it cannot possibly be a dream, illusion, hallucination or anything of the sort, I'll accept he is there. In the meantime, it is more befitting the heritage of the human intellect to ignore such figures as mythical.

Open-mindedness is a virtue, but when dealing with New Age salespeople it is important to remember that if you keep your mind too open, your brain may fall out.

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chocolate

Chocolate is one of the fifteen main reasons to be reincarnated. The others are unimportant.

Come back for the chocolate. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ...,

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The Ring

1. The One Ring created by the Dark Lord Sauron in Tolkein's Lord of the Rings "to bring them all/ and in the darkness bind them/ in the Land of Mordor/ where the shadows lie."

2. Kick-ass horror movie which manages to be an improvement on both the Japanese original and its own sequel. Concerns a video tape which (indirectly) kills its viewers by attracting their way the attention of a little girl you REALLY do NOT want to meet. You've probably heard the sting in the tail, so I won't mention it here.

Always the Nazgul are drawn to the Ring.

Answering machine message inspired by The Ring:

"Hello, you have just contacted the Morgan Family Bloodstock Company, Moesko Island. Unfortunately Samara can't come crawling out of your television just at the moment, but if you leave your name, number and details of the video after the tone, she promises to get in touch with you some time next week. Sweet dreams."

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Abroccolipse

And then the Lamb opened the Seventh Seal: and yeay, I saw upon a white horse all the little children who wouldn't eat their greens, and all the chunky little greens that they had ever refused to eat fell from the firmament upon the earth in a great cascade of green, and the children descended from the back of the great white horse, and there was weeping and gnashing of teeth and quite a bit of chewing until the sounding of the final trumpets.

The above is from the Abroccolipse of St. Elmo the Vegetarian.

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