achocalypse

And yea, I saw descend from Heaven a great brown horse; and the brown horse came down to earth with a crisp clopping bumpy motion and burst open in a shower of delicious brown squares; and all the people gathered around were crying hallelujah with chocolate smeared on their faces until the very cracks of doom.

The above was from the Achocalypse of Saint John the Chocoholic.

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Frankenphobia

Morbid irrational fear of biotechnology and/or its products. Endlessly incited by born-again hippie fundamentalists, who would prefer us all to live like Freddie Flintstone. From Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (an endlessly quoted popular reference) and the suffix -phobia.

Morning Flower is spreading her Frankenphobia around again, telling everyone genetically modified tomatoes are bad for their children.

When are these very very trendy people going to accept that Frankenphobia is soooooo yesterday?

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reltih floda

Crazy military type who took over the running of the nation of dnalhcstued (also called ynamreg) and murdered lots of wejs and tsinummocs.

Who the lleh ever heard of reltih floda?

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veget-type Aryan

Very self-righteous vegetarian. Incisor-bearing organism in serious denial. Thinks all meat-eaters are scum and constantly refers to various forms of repast as "dead pig", "dead cow", "dead shrimp", and so on. Typically (and fittingly) weedy as hell. Likely to tell you that "you are what you eat" ... so, where do they store their chlorophyll?

A: It's not all a kooky cult, you know, many famous people down through history have been vegetarians ...,

B: Name one.

A: Ummmm ...,

A: How about Adolf Hitler? He was a veget-type Aryan, wasn't he?

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might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb

Expression used in resentment as a reason for doing something deemed unethical when one knows one is going to be accused of doing that thing anyway, particularly when there is much to be gained by doing it.

They are going to accuse me of doing nothing and/or of working and drawing the dole at the same time, so I might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb.

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Modern Art

Someone bought more burgers and fries than they could eat at a drive-thru McDonald's in the boondocks. Thirty miles down the road they tossed the leftovers out the window. The leftovers fermented in the sun and five days later a great big dog wandered by, thought the mess smelled appetising and ate it. The meal played havoc with the dog's nervous system and it went quite wild. The next time a car came by the dog took a flying leap through the windscreen at a relative speed of almost a hundred miles an hour, killing itself and likely the driver and sending the car out of control. The car flipped over four times and lay on the road, subsequently catching fire and burning out. A milk lorry came over the top of the hill and crashed into the mess, and was followed by five or six more vehicles before the authorities got the faintest notion what was going on and partitioned the area off. Shortly afterwards a Boeing 747 carrying, among other things, a few large containers of yellow paint suffered a blowout and had to descend. The paint squirted out of the plane and splashed down on top of the pile-up. A hitch-hiker came by with a camera and thought the whole thing looked intriguing. He took some pictures and downloaded them onto his computer later on. The pictures were Photoshopped to look a little spooky and later printed in this new form on T-shirts. The photographer's girlfriend wore one of these to an art gallery and he photographed her pulling faces and balling her fists while wearing the T-shirt. Later on, these photographs were projected onto a screen in a display room in another gallery and a painter executed a painting of people in the room watching the slide show. Shortly afterwards everyone involved in the production of all this art - the hitchhiker photographer, the girlfriend, the painter, and all - had the good sense to overdose on cocaine at a party and die shortly thereafter, thereby sensibly removing themselves from the means of production and terminating their financial interest in the process. The painting was sold for £300,000 at Sotheby's and artie journalists claimed it was emblematic of the ultimately existentiallistically meaningless search for meaning within the postmodernist aesthetic.

And that more or less is a typical story of Modern Art.

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jenga

Game played using wooden blocks three times as long as they are wide. The blocks are stacked in a square tower with three side by side in each floor, aligned at right angles to those above and below. The players take it in turns to remove one block per turn from the tower. The loser is the one who makes the tower topple.

I love playing jenga. Especially the satisfying crash when it all comes down.

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