iimssm

Enjoyably adolescent and slightly narcissistic abbreviation for "if I may say so myself".

I'm Jockster and I'm the coolest pimp daddy on the planet, iimssm.

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Xena

1. Drop-dead gorgeous babe who turned from the ways of evil to become a warrior princess in ancient Greece (televised version), and fought off various sneaky types and CG divinities. Played by Lucy Lawless, who is almost as gorgeous. Fought with a ring-shaped discus weapon and her own considerable wits. Had a girlfriend, Gabrielle, played by Renee O'Connor. You became Xena's lover with the skill of a champion and the luck of the gods, and if you messed her about she'd slice your head off and feed it to the Minotaur.

2. 1500-mile diameter dwarf planet orbiting the Sun at 38 to 98 times Earth's distance every 557 Earth years, accompanied by at least one moon called Gabrielle in honour of the undying couple of the TV series. So named unofficially on their discovery; these objects have since been renamed Eris and Dysnomia, after a Greek goddess and her daughter demon of lawlessness, indicating that the International Astronomical Union has at best a subtle sense of humour.

1. If Xena comes to kill you, consider yourself honoured.

2. It's colder than a polar bear's ass on Xena.

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horse

1. Slang for heroin.

2. Slang for a sexually attractive woman. Possible echo of whore.

3. An artificial frame of one kind or another, such as a clothes horse (used to hang clothes to dry) or a pommel horse (a sturdier structure used in gymnastics).

4. Slang for sex (a horse's body often seems to closely echo human sexual features, only considerably souped up; the shapely rump, the tapering legs, the long straight hair in the tail, the phallic head and neck, the often well-defined muscles ...,).

5. An animal that, whatever about looking erotic, would be a lot more pleasant if it were genetically engineered not to be so flipping neurotic, and maybe to smell like oranges, or perhaps fresh mint, rather than shit and stale sweat.

I want to mainline me some horse.

Is Lily a horse or is she just a filly?

He's not yet that good on the pommel horse.

I want some horse with Jenny tonight.

Bring the horses down to the green shed, there is hay for them there.

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hypocrisy

Hypocrisy: Pat Robertson lamenting America's turn to Mammon.

The 700 Club is such hypocrisy it wouldn't last a second in Europe.

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bicycle

Machine with two wheels, two pedals and a light built for a Christmas tree, used for turning calories into scar tissue.

Here's a bicycle with three gears: pedals-clanking, chain-free, chain-snarled-up.

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quantum dating

In romantic terms, that practice which constitutes the smallest possible amount of dating, which can still be considered dating.

I meet Caroline on the way in to work at the same time every day, and for the smallest fraction of a second longer than would occur strictly by chance our eyes lock together, and nothing else worth noting happens but we're cool about it. I guess you could say we're quantum dating.

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love

Love? Considerably over-rated. Biochemically indistinguishable from the effects of consuming large quantities of chocolate.

- Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

Love? Considerably over-rated. Biochemically indistinguishable from the effects of consuming large quantities of chocolate.

- Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

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