MATIAS

A massive grungehead who loves to down gallons of coffee and truckloads of cigarettes in a matter of seconds. He constantly praises John Sunday Perone and has a ding-dong the size of a skyscraper. If you snap the spaghetti while cooking, assume he'll teleport behind you, you're good as dead and he'll do unspeakable things with your remains. He's also a cool fella: if you're nice, he's nice, and he'll maybe even coach you through tough times.

Random person: ugh, this cooking pot is too little *proceeds to snap noodles*

Matias: *comes running through the wall in slow motion* prepare for your doom, you sad mortal.