Pillow Talk

Pillow Talk takes place in bed, usually after sex.

Couples usually talk about what’s on their mind during pillow talk. It’s oftentimes an easy conversation about the events of the day or week, in a safe and comfortable space. Afterwards, you fall asleep.

Pillow Talk is a good thing.

Dear Diary,

Raul told me some of his concerns at work during pillow talk last night. I think he feels better about everything.

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Happy Cabbage

The term Happy Cabbage refers to a stash of money. It could be a rainy day fund, an escape fund, or even a cottage by the seaside fund. It could be a little or a lot.

It’s something you continue to build, much like the layers of a healthy cabbage.

It’s your Happy Cabbage.

“Dude, are you eating ramen again? That’s the fourth time this week!”
“Yep. And the elastic in all my underwear is shot. But you should see my Happy Cabbage! I’ll have that Ferrari one day.”

Rachel

A Rachel is your best friend. She makes you laugh so hard you almost pee your pants. She’s your partner in crime, and the one you call when you’re about to cry. Rachel is a firecracker, and she doesn’t take shit from anyone. Rachel flirts with bartenders a LOT. She’s GORGEOUS, but she’s not stuck-up about it. There is never a dull moment when Rachel is around.

When I was six years old, I met the best friend of my life. Her name is Rachel.

Mother In Law

A mother in law is pretty much the very bane of your existence.

A mother in law (or MIL) is a wretched, treacherous female. She is insecure, jealous, petty, hateful and filled with spite. She is immature to the max.

She is shallow, empty headed and only cares about appearances. She is a master manipulator, and a huge control freak. She has to be in charge of everything.

It does not matter if the child(ren) she bore are in their 30s, 40s, 50s or 60s. She still must be a heavy influence in their lives, and she cannot exist without knowing their Every. Single. Move. She gushes unsolicited advice and is not satisfied unless she pushes her dumbass opinions. She HAS to be the center of attention. She is backbiting, hypocritical, sneaky and mean.

She pretends at church, pretends with the neighbors, pretends with the bridge club, but she is a fake, through and through.

She will constantly berate you, berate others, poke fun at people, make nasty comments behind your back, and betray you and others by gossiping about your/their private business.

A mother in law is a bitch from the bowels of hell.

A mother in law sometimes giggles like an evil 7 year old. She laughs at her own cruel jokes, with her long, yellow, scary teeth.

Beware the Mother In Law.

For she is the spider, and you are the fly.

Amanda

Amanda is the greatest friend ever. She is brilliant and beautiful, talented and funny. She is a professional and knows her stuff! She has helped so many people by performing her work in a flawless manner. As a friend, she is insightful, thoughtful, supportive, attentive and caring. Sometimes people don’t appreciate Amanda, but she keeps going, always hoping for a brighter day.

She loves to laugh and has a great sense of humor!

“Wow! Did you see the way Amanda helped 20 people today? She’s amazing!”

“Yes! I only wish I could do that too, but I’m so lazy.”

Twitterpated

Twitterpated means to be swept off your feet by someone you quite fancy.

It’s a very strong feeling of love and attraction.

From the 1942 film, Bambi:

Friend Owl : “Yes. Nearly everybody gets Twitterpated in the springtime.

For example: You’re walking along, minding your own business. You're looking neither to the left, nor to the right...When all of a sudden, you run smack into a pretty face!

You begin to get weak in the knees.
Your head’s in a whirl!

And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it...you’re walking on air.

And then, you know what?
You’re knocked for a loop!

And you completely lose your head!”
Thumper: “Gosh, that’s awful.”

Flower: “Gee Whiz!”
Bambi: “Terrible!”

Friend Owl: “And that ain’t all. It can happen to anybody. So you’d bet-ter be careful.

It could happen to You! And You!

And.....Yes. It could even happen to YOU!”

The first time he looked at me with his cerulean blue eyes, I felt he could see into my soul. He peered deep into my emerald green eyes, I knew then that he was Twitterpated.

There was no going back after that.

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Ava

Ava is the sweetest, most beautiful, most loving and caring woman in this universe. She loves to make people happy, and she is generous and giving. Ava is always trying to think of ways to make you smile and feel remembered. She is creative and funny, too. The only thing that upsets Ava is when people are treated unfairly. Kindness is Ava’s motto.

If you are lucky enough to know a (good) Ava, be sure to recognize this special gem in your life, and treat her accordingly.

Dude 1: “Did you see that woman who helped the old man carry a huge bag of puppy food to his car? “
Dude 2: “Yes! I bet her name is Ava.”

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