Ira

Ira is a Viking warrior who possesses super human qualities, (gifts from above, some would say) in the form of super sonic , hearing. Ira can hear sounds no one can hear. One hot summer day while Ira was indulging in foot care, he heard a sound that can only be described as the quietest puff of air. Ira rushed in the direction of the sound. Lo and behold, old man Jones had fallen on a breakfast sausage in the kitchen and busted his head. Ira saved a life that day.
This is only one of Ira’s super human qualities.

Ira is like a warm freshly baked pie. You don’t know what’s inside, so you poke your finger thru the crust and you are met with utter deliciousness . You lick and suck on your finger to get all of Ira inside you.

Ira was awakened by the almost silent sound of his neighbors microwave beeping at 2 am on Thursday.

Jeff

Jeff’s are typically good ole boys. They like to pick pepperonis off of their pizzas and lick each one seductively before popping each one in their mouth.

A Jeff will usually buy you a cold soft serve ice cream on a hot day, but he will lick the swirl off the top of the ice cream before handing it to you.

Jeff fingered my spinach artichoke dip before passing it to me across the table .

Jon

Jon is a man of great substance, and a teller of tales. Jon would sit on his porch surrounded by the vagrants of the world, telling tales of small butt plugs he maneuvered and McGuyvered in times of need; tales of the seedy underbelly of dildo factories, and tales on how to get a free hamburger on a Tuesday, to name a few.

Men were jealous of Jon and women wanted him. They longed for Jon to satisfy them orally as Jon was known as the king of oral pleasure. When Jon performed oral on the lucky women… the geyser like wetness could be heard and seen for miles around.

Unsuspecting people would feel drops of fluid dripping down upon them when on evening walks and while grilling burgers in backyards.

In addition to the wetness felt blocks away, one could hear a ‘pop’ sound that can only be described as a wet hard hammer hitting a nail.

The women Jon performed oral on were sent away after having been serviced. They were never the same. They spent the rest of their lives searching….. searching …. For that feeling again; feeling of explosive intense pleasure.

Women would bring sandwiches to Jon and his dog a Charlie but to no avail.

Jon would accept their sandwiches and then send them on their way.

On warm days one can still smell the deli meat and the despair of the women Jon had turned away time and time again.

Jon was performing oral on a cross-eyed woman who could see straight immediately after reaching peak ecstasy.