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One of the 'Founding Fathers', Ben Franklin was a well-known author, statesman, poet, musician, and inventor. Franklin was responsible for some of the most important features of the Constitution. Some of his accomplishments include:
* Inventor of Floam
* Paula Abdul's first dance instructor
* Amish Rake Fighting (scored 27 kills, 83 maims in first season)
* Known to place 'whoopee cushions' under Madison's seat during meetings
* Porked 1275 women during his lifetime
* Was able to leap tall buildings with a single bound
* Often dressed as a pregnant nun and walked through the streets shouting, "Come and get it, fellas!"
* Once walked into Congress after a night of heavy drinking and opened fire with his AK-47
* Liked to play with puppies
* Held regular staring contests with his neighbors
* Tried to have Hillary Clinton drawn and quartered
* Had girly-hippy hair
* Advertises on the $100.00 bill with a frowny face
* Prone to depression and extreme violence
* A Taoist-anarchist
* Hated tuna casserole
Benjamin Franklin was a bad-ass.
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First President of the United States of America. Led the Continental Army to victory over the British and all those damn mercenaries they hired. Also known as the 'Dollar bill guy'.
George Washington never did chop down a cherry tree, and this rumor was believed to be started by some school teacher with the knowledge of Mr. Garrison. He did, however, sleep everywhere, and it is unlikely that he just slept, since the chicks were getting a little bored with 'bundling'.
Boy: Hello?
Geo. Washington: Yeah? Whadda' you want?
Boy: Are you Mr. Washington? George Washington?
Geo. Washington: Is this another one of you damn kids looking for a meal ticket?
Boy: But my mom says....
Geo. Washington: Look kid... I get a lot of this. The phone's ringing day and night, which is creepy since we've got another 100 years before its invention. But never mind that. Who's your mother, anyway?
Boy: Betsy Churchbottomfeeder.
Geo. Washington: Okay! I did spend the night at her house, but slept alone. Tell your mother to call an attorney. She ain't gettin' shit.
Boy: Oh, woe is me! A bastard once again! Boo-hoo, boo-hoo.
Geo. Washington: Lemme give you Jefferson's number. He falls for this shit all the time.
Boy: Thanks, bro!
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1. To attempt to 'move on' following the termination of a relationship with another individual.
2. When used in a sentence, insinuates that the individual using the word is the same individual who was the target of the 'break-up'.
3. A word used by overly-emotional, self-centered 'drama queens' (mostly women and gay men).
4. Individuals using this word generally will utter the word 'chapter' during their often one-sided conversations.
5. A word created during the 90's which was borne out of individuals unable to cope with relationship failure.
6. Individuals using this word insinuate that the more stable party is responsible for all of the 'closured' individual's problems, as well as the War in Iraq, airbag safety issues, the Democratic National Convention, dustless chalk, nipples on men, PMS, and bad-hair days.
Betsy: So whadda' you think, Donna?
Donna: Well, you gotta' let me read the damn thing!
Betsy: Okay, okay... sorry!
Donna: (Reads out loud)
Dear Betsy,
It has been four long months and I
can no longer be party to this
relationship. Yes, you do have the
finest body I've ever seen, and as
you have repeatedly told me, no one
gives better head. I understand our
college football and baseball teams
can confirm this as well. Honestly,
the fact that you have slept with
everyone in the faculty is not the
problem I'm having. The problem is
your hygiene. Most women clean
themselves off after sex... the
corners of the mouth, the pearl
necklace... and, umm, you know what I
mean. If you at least brushed your
teeth each day, your dentist wouldn't
have to contend with the variety of
pubic hair in your mouth.
I'm sorry, Betsy, but I need a woman
with standards... any kind of
standards. Just not you.
You suck,
Dave
Betsy: Well?? What do you think?
Donna: Well, you do need to brush. That's gross.
Betsy: I NEED CLOSURE!
Donna: No, you need a life, you self-centered drama queen!
Betsy: Oh! Another chapter in my life ends!
Donna: Don't start with me, bitch.
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The French version of Martin Luther King Jr.'s, "I Have a Dream," speech.
Please refer to French Military Defeats for further clarification.
French military victories are impossible with a country full of cheese-eating, snail-breathed, no-hygiene, surrender-monkeys.
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