Soggy Swirly

Begin with beating your faecal matter with a cutlery instrument, for instance, a fork, until the consistency of said faecal matter is in slushy and viscous. After this, store the faecal matter in a bowl and wrap it in cling film, refrigerating it for 24 hours. After it has been refrigerated, retrieve the faecal matter and place it in your or your breeding mates bedroom. When you are engaging in sexual intercourse with your significant other, smear the faecal matter on their face with an instrument of decoration, I.E. a paintbrush.

"(Insert significant other's name) would you mind if i painted you like a Picasso painting with some soggy swirly i prepared earlier."