yard yeti

A yard yeti is a child usually between the ages of 12 and 17 years that awoke from adolescent hibernation early and hasn't quite reached full human development. They aren't self controlled enough to be turned loose on the general public but they already know everything, just ask them. They're unpredictable in regard to behavior and most frequently show signs of deafness even when yelled at. They generally use only grunts and snipes but can be clearly understood with calls such as "I'm bored" and "I'm hungry". The male of this species is known to eat everything in sight! And the female attracts others of their species that are just as obnoxious. Topping a 10' high electric fence with razor wire sometimes helps keep the males at bay, but they are sneaky little devils.

I just walked in from the garage and both of your Yard Yetis looked like they were up to no good!

Curtain Climber

Curtain Climbers gravitate to anything that they can abuse! Whether dogs, floor cabinets, tables or even pant legs. They are frequently observed attempting to eat television remotes, intact dog hair and window sills. But they are nowhere near the threat of the ANKLE BITER.

Would someone please take my remote away from the Curtain Climber and disinfect it!

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nipple nuzzler

These pre-human creatures are usually 1 week to 3 months. Above 3 months they're frequently referred to as nipple biters! Nipple nuzzlers are selfish and manipulative little creatures that routinely steal a man's prized toys. They make silly little sounds that human females emulate but that make no sense. Nipple Nuzzlers are members of the sub-species "pleasure interruptis". They are known to make extremely loud bellowing sounds or give off odors that are extremely noxious at very inconvenient times. Unless these creatures are properly placed into development hibernation there will never be peace in the house again. The cuteness is only a front to allow them to gain a hold on the human female. Once that happens it's YEARS to eradicate the infestation!

How about we put the Nipple Nuzzler in his crib, turn off the bellow box and go to our room to play for a little while?