Stravaig

Old Scottish, Northern English and Irish word.

Means to wander about aimlessly

"Yish, looking at that stravaiging bag head over there."

"How about I stravaig over there and rub my open wound on you?"

"Easy stravaiger, there's no need to get shirty, I was just making a comment on the aimlessness your existence."

"Tis true I suppose. Any chance of some money?"

"You give oral sex?"

"Certainly sir."

"Buzzing cha, buzzing."

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Miami Beached

When someone who is usually terrible with the ladies gets drunk and inexplicably starts pulling hot girls, they are Miami Beached.

"Is that girl still here?"

"Yeah."

"How the fuck did you pull her?"

"Don't know."

"You in shock or something?"

"Most likely."

"Shit, you were well Miami Beached."

"Indubitably."

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Razorblade Romance

A form of preversion.

Sometimes a person who is afraid of necrophilia will combat the act by ingesting razorblades in their penetrateables when they are approaching death. Often, when performed, it's also the cause of death.

"Better not be another razorblade romance..."

*SHLUMP*

"Uh oh..."

See preversions and prevert

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One Eyed Bandit

A type of live action gambling that can be undertaken in Thailand. First of all the gambler must select three Thai hookers and take them back to his room. The gambler then asks them to reveal their genitals, one by one. Like with a one armed bandit (English word for slot machine), the way to win is to get three cherries in a row. Any less than three cherries and you're BUST

"I wish they had some one armed bandit machines out here."

"We could just play one eyed bandit?"

"Hmm, yeah. Or Thai roulette maybe?"

"Either or man, I just need to unload quickly before my balls get any heavier. I feel like I'm lugging around a couple of coconuts in a 50g peanut bag."

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Kurt Cobrained

When someone gets wasted to the point that there brains are literally no longer in their skull, they are Kurt Cobrained.

"Ah, fuck! This kid on the sofa's Kurt Cobrained man!"

"What?"

"His brains are all external to his skull and shit!"

"Ahhh! Fuck! Put a lamp shade over his head or something!"

"Ahhh! Okay, there we go. Now what?"

"Now we warm these Pot Noodles up."

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Insane Stunt Bonus Award Committee

The panel of judges that attach a monetary reward to insane stunts performed by reckless vehicleists. Points are rewarded for:

height, length, helicopters taken down, hoes annihilated, hoes impregnated, pimps flattened, homages to Scarface made, police evaded, FBI humiliated, single file rows of, "Gouranga," shouting Hare Krishnas ploughed down, cars exploded, tanks exploded, rescue services exploded and pedestrians splattered.

The committee is currently comprised of Pope Ratzenberger, Kermit the Frog, Tinky Winky, Jerry Bruckheimer and Ringo Starr

"I came off my motorbike the other day and totally splodged a load of old ladies and the Insane Stunt Bonus Award Committee gave me £300!"

"Nice. I only got £30 last week when I accidentally reversed over that penguin."

"You probably wouldn't have got anything if it hadn't have been so endangered."

"Flightless birds are dumb."

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Dim Toning

Setting your favourite song as your ring tone and then, after months of hearing it over and over again through your phone's bass-hating speakers, growing to hate it through too much repetition

"Isn't this your favourite song?"

"No, I can't stand it anymore. I set it as my ring tone and after four months of hearing just the chorus I cracked."

"Gutted. That's some pretty dim toning on your part."

"Yeah."

"What have you got as your ring tone now?"

"Why are we talking about ring tones?"

"We must just be losers."

"Bastard."

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