Win-Fu

“Win-Fu” - the art of making something totally abstract and unrelated apply to any given situation, often using confusing language and esoteric logic, leaving the recipient stunned, with a “what-the-fuck-just-happened” look on their face. Often this involves the use of complicated diagrams and flow-charts.

Example: “Should I issue a $50.00 credit to the customer’s account?”

“Win-Fu” Response: The average human heart beat is 60 to 80 beats per minutes; athletes have much lower heart beats, around 50 BPM. Divide 60 by 80 and then subtract 50 and you will find the answer.

Example: “What is Customer Retention?”

“Win-Fu”: We know where the business is going. Currently, an IP address is formatted like this: 110XXXXX, with a max possible number of hosts of 28 - 2 = 254. In the future, and IP address will look like 0XXXXXXX, which can create a possible number of hosts of 224 - 2 = 16,777,214. Soon soup cans in the store with have their own IP addresses. This is what customer retention means.

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