churn rate

1. The rate at which new employees vacate a given job or company, based on dissatisfaction with bad work conditions.

2. The rate at which a person's previous meal vacates his or her stomach, based on the intensity of their vomitting.

3. The rate at which a man's semen vacates his testicles, prostate, and Cowper's glands, based on the intensity of masturbation.

All: Yale's MBA program postulates the "Churn Rate Paradigm" as:

Client's churn rate = k(worker's stomach churn rate) = k(new worker's churn rate)

The intervariable relation is proportional and geometric.

1. The new-employee churn rate at my previous job was really high.

2. The work itself was nauseating. I would vomit at least twice a day. On high traffic days, employee stomach churn rate was even higher.

3. It was a mopping job at a sperm bank/peep show/gay brothel (delete as appropriate). For some reason, I always ended up with the highest clientele churn rate. I hated that job. I'm going back to Taco Bell.

badasserarium

Any given place where more than one badass can reliably be found. In modern times, this may mean a certain night club, a certain seedy bar, or even any given trailer park - depending on the inhabitants.

Historically, this was named after the Badasserarium in Brundisium, a temple erected by Emperor Nero in the year 55. The original Badasserarium honored the final, most badass professional fighters left standing after the Great Gladiatorial Gangbang in July of that year. The survivors of a massive day-long free-for-all initiated with 900 heavily armed and alcoholically lubricated gladiators, these handful were granted the honorific Badassissimus, indicating status of an ass far worse than any other precursors in the field of badassery. Enshrined during their lifetimes as living saints of the Badasserarium, such was their fame that even respectable matrons and virgin girls of Brundisium would pay good money to spend fifteen seconds with any one of them, who would bestow his virility and virtue upon them with a Falcon Punch to the abdomen, leaving them unable to walk - sometimes permanently.

Upon being asked by Nero whether this was absolutely necessary, the Badassissimus responded by roaring incoherently and kicking a watermelon hard enough to orbit the known world twice and decapitate a nearby catamite the following Thursday. Suetonius translates this to mean: "Yes, I am afraid it is."

"This San Francisco restaurant once served lunch to Bruce Lee, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Chuck Norris at the same sitting. For the brief duration of that lunch, decades ago, this restaurant was a badasserarium."

"The Badassissimus of the Badasserarium was a badass well known for his consummate badassery."

freedom flag

1. A flag that stands for freedom.
2. "Le Tricolore" - The flag of France (in the present anti-French climate). This strikes me as being hilariously amusing because the entire reason why the Congress renamed French fries in the first place was to show that France did not support military action for freedom. The ironic juxtaposition inherent in the subtextual deconstructuralist narrative frame of this dialogical reificate is so funny that it makes me want to shit my pants, wipe it on the windows, and then run naked through Congress with my hands in the air gibbering like a lunatic.

1. Dude, the American flag is the only freedom flag in the world because everybody knows that America is the only free country in the world.

2. What flag do the French have then?

1. Shit.

blue ball

1. A ball that is blue.
2. A testicle or testicles that are blue.
3. A testicle or testicles that have not been used for a long time and therefore, in male mythological perception, are blue in color. This is merely metaphorical as the only way that testicles can turn blue are A) through the application of ink or paint, as in the scrotal tattooes of the old wrinkled retainers of the WangaWonkee tribes of the lower Balkans, or B) through constriction, as in preparation for castration (to prevent urination, which may infect the wound before it heals adequately).

My girlfriend wouldn:t screw me/do me/tattoo me so I went to bed with blue balls.

Predator's face

(noun) Euphemism for a somewhat intimidating looking vagina, especially one with curved pedipalpical hook-shaped teeth and an Ozzy Osborne hairstyle. Not usually considered an aphrodisiac.

"I heard that the Governor of California only got his job because of his onscreen performance in giving the Predator's face a good licking."

da feiji

Chinese slang for a handjob applied to a male, not necessarily by himself. Applies equally well to solo masturbation, or to masturbation by another.

Literally means "hit plane", although the lack of articles in Mandarin Chinese may cause some confusion.

1. "Neige xiaojie hen lihai o! Zuotian wanshang ta gei wo da guo liangci feiji, hai you gei wo koujiao. Zhende meixiangdao!"

Translation: "That singsong girl is amazing! Last night she jerked me off twice, and then gave me head. Unbelievable."

2. "Ben La Din hen lihai o! Wu nian qian, ta zhiyao da feiji liangci, jiu neng yinqi Meiguo-Afuhan dazhan. Zhende meixiangdao!"

Translation: "Osama bin Laden is terrible! Five years ago all he did was hit two planes, and that caused the U.S. war in Afghanistan. Unbelievable."

handpalm

A handpalm is a scenario where a normally-competitive situation has become so unbalanced that one side dominates all of the others and exercises an overwhelming degree of control. It metaphorically refers to the dominant player holding all the rest of the players "in the palm of the hand", meaning it can crush them and end the contest at any point. At this point, any actual competition purely symbolic - the contest continues solely at the desire of the dominant player.

A situation like this can arise in a simple game such as checkers or chess, or it can apply to more complex scenarios like economic competition, academic mastery of a given field, or military might.

Note that merely being the strongest player is not enough for a handpalm scenario. The scenario must become so lopsided that no action by any of the opposing elements can possibly break the victor's dominant position, short of intentional self-handicap or monumentally inept play.

Ex 1:

HMB: "I played chess against my girlfriend last night. It was brutal. She started with a handicap of one Bishop, one Knight, and one Rook and she STILL managed to corner me with two Queens and a Rook. She then spent ten moves of her stalemate count just taunting me with them to make her point."

HDT: "Wow. I've never seen a handpalm of that magnitude. Rusty?"

HMB: "You're telling me. I played a game of chess against myself the other day and somehow managed to lose."

Ex 2:

HMB: "My girlfriend inflicted the most intense handpalm last night. I'm still staggering from the blow."

DTM (who doesn't understand the term): "NIIICE! High five?"

HMB: "...no. No, I think not..."