da feiji

Chinese slang for a handjob applied to a male, not necessarily by himself. Applies equally well to solo masturbation, or to masturbation by another.

Literally means "hit plane", although the lack of articles in Mandarin Chinese may cause some confusion.

1. "Neige xiaojie hen lihai o! Zuotian wanshang ta gei wo da guo liangci feiji, hai you gei wo koujiao. Zhende meixiangdao!"

Translation: "That singsong girl is amazing! Last night she jerked me off twice, and then gave me head. Unbelievable."

2. "Ben La Din hen lihai o! Wu nian qian, ta zhiyao da feiji liangci, jiu neng yinqi Meiguo-Afuhan dazhan. Zhende meixiangdao!"

Translation: "Osama bin Laden is terrible! Five years ago all he did was hit two planes, and that caused the U.S. war in Afghanistan. Unbelievable."

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butt mining

1. The act of routinely coming up with ideas on the spot, especially when under pressure or with a high penalty for failure. This derives from the vaunted ability of journalists and reporters to generate news story ideas with unexpected or novel angles. This term is a logical progression from the phrase "to pull an idea out of my ass". Used as a positive term of praise, a "butt miner" is somebody who is very good at thinking of new ways to cover old stories, or of new stories that nobody else has thought of before.
2. This could also conceivably be a term for a sodomite (or possibly a proctologist) or anybody else who spends a fair amount of time in a butt. But I've never heard this term used that way.

1.
Reporter: "Hey, I have an idea. Instead of just covering Chinese New Year at the restaurants, why don't we cover the plight of the Chinese staff at the restaurants, who have to work the festival and who can't go home to their families in China?"
Editor: "That is a compelling idea with a human angle, and a novel way of covering a routine annual event. A sterling display of vintage butt mining. Good job!"

2.
Reporter: "I love Katie Couric. I really admire her bravery in having her own colonoscopy broadcast on TV."
Reporter: "Aye. That's a sterling display of vintage butt mining, no doubt."

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osimosity

(Noun) The state or condition of being awesome. Defined in a bogus mathematical theorem as:

Quality + Perception
-------------------- = Osimosity
Vulgar popularity

Not to be confused with animosity, or pretentiosity.

1. Lord Ossum of the Ossumites was an Ozymandian well known for his osimosity.

2.
Freddie:
I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me...

Chorus:
HE'S-JUST-A-POOR-BOY/
NAMED-FREDDIE-MERCURY/
BOW-GASP-AND-QUAIL/
AT-HIS-OSIMOSITY!

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handpalm

A handpalm is a scenario where a normally-competitive situation has become so unbalanced that one side dominates all of the others and exercises an overwhelming degree of control. It metaphorically refers to the dominant player holding all the rest of the players "in the palm of the hand", meaning it can crush them and end the contest at any point. At this point, any actual competition purely symbolic - the contest continues solely at the desire of the dominant player.

A situation like this can arise in a simple game such as checkers or chess, or it can apply to more complex scenarios like economic competition, academic mastery of a given field, or military might.

Note that merely being the strongest player is not enough for a handpalm scenario. The scenario must become so lopsided that no action by any of the opposing elements can possibly break the victor's dominant position, short of intentional self-handicap or monumentally inept play.

Ex 1:

HMB: "I played chess against my girlfriend last night. It was brutal. She started with a handicap of one Bishop, one Knight, and one Rook and she STILL managed to corner me with two Queens and a Rook. She then spent ten moves of her stalemate count just taunting me with them to make her point."

HDT: "Wow. I've never seen a handpalm of that magnitude. Rusty?"

HMB: "You're telling me. I played a game of chess against myself the other day and somehow managed to lose."

Ex 2:

HMB: "My girlfriend inflicted the most intense handpalm last night. I'm still staggering from the blow."

DTM (who doesn't understand the term): "NIIICE! High five?"

HMB: "...no. No, I think not..."

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hideity

1. The act, state, or condition of being hideous.
2. A word you say when you have died and gone to heaven or hell and, upon being faced with a nonplussed deity, with which you greet them.

1. "Jane Austen's latest undiscovered offering, 'Pointlessness and Pretentiosity', reveals a new female protagonist, whose tenacity is matched only by her hideity and the length of her pubic mustache."

2. GOD: HMB, you stand accused of a lifetime granted by My grace, wasted in pursuit of atheism, masturbation, and belief in Darwinian evolutionary theory. What have you to say for yourself?

HMB: Hideity.

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nuffle

An endearing act of intimacy or light petting. When you gently rub your nose against the cheeks of another person, that is called a "nuffle". Also known as an Eskimo Kiss, this is a non-sexual, affectionate gesture that you can do to a lover, or a family member.

HMB: Is it polite to keep your eyes open when you nuffle?

AC: Sure, why not? Nuffling isn't like kissing. It's just like a hug. Except you use your face.

HMB: Okay. *nuffles AC*

AC: Awww...gemes! ^_^

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ladywood

1. (horticultural) A perennial bud found in moist valleys, amidst ferns, and which like to nestle up against redwoods.
2. (anatomical) A perineal bud found in moist valleys, amidst pubes, and which like to be jostled by redwoods. A clit.

1. and 2. "For Valentine's Day, do something special. Give her LADYWOOD."
~ failed marketing ploys of HM&B corporation.

(First heard in NBC's Will & Grace)

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