decepticon

A slang term used in the prostitution trade to describe a transsexual or transvestite hooker (who are often called "Transformers"), especially one who is so convincing as a woman that friends and clients do not believe she was once a man.

"Holy shit! She ain't no Transformer... she a goddam DECEPTICON!"

91👍 85👎

kickpebble

A term to denote mild disappointment, embarrassment, or even just simple boredom in a text environment.

Taken from children's cartoons, where a character down on his luck or with nothing better to do might sigh and kick a pebble down the street.

AC: So how'd your date with the girl from Beijing go?

HMB: It was okay. She's really nice, and we went around and saw some cool places in the city. But she lives pretty far away so...

AC: Yeah, long distance relationships could be tough.

HMB: Yep.

AC:

HMB:

AC:

HMB (breaking the silence): *kickpebble*

29👍 6👎

strapadictomy

A medical procedure in which a person puts on a rubber cock. Frequently done before instances of lesbian sex.

"I underwent a strapadictomy with my lesbian lover, Minjita."

56👍 10👎

smartacity

The state of being a smart ass, or possibly something done to create such a state. A Latinate spelling of "smart-ass-ity".

HMB's urbandictionary definitions are characterized by their loquacity, obscurity, and smartacity.

"What your comment lacks in logical merit or accuracy, it more than makes up for in smartacity."

28👍 6👎

Schrodinger's Crap

A variant on the famous "Schrodinger's Cat" thought exercise, which questions the living or dead status of a cat locked in a box with a randomly-released toxic gas.

In a Schrodinger's Crap situation, a form of uncertainty principle is applied to certain types of bowel movements which defy pre-emergence classification. It is impossible to accurately predict their state until after it has emerged, by which point it is too late.

Parameters:
1. Something in your rectum is trying to get out.
2. It will be a solid, or a liquid, or a gas. And no other. (No plasmas, etc.)
3. If its final state is gaseous, you can liberate it with minimal concern.
4. If it is either liquid or solid, it will require further steps for successful disposal.

The paradox lies in the fact that the exact state of a Schrodinger's Crap cannot be accurately deduced before opening the system to observation. But opening the system to observation is fatal to the system's continued existence, as the toxic gas is already released. Followed to its logical extreme, the Schrodinger's Crap theory posits that the contents of the system are ALL OF: a solid, a liquid, and a gas - simultaneously.

(Note: the word "uncertainty" also has the word "taint" in it. Coincidence? I think not.)

HMB: Dude, you're walking funny.

HDT: I can't help it. I feel like I wanna fart, or maybe take a dump. But I can't figure out if I'm going to "gamble and lose". I feel like I'm touching cloth.

APLR: Wait, I have an answer. Your digestive system is entirely described by a single state function, "psi". For every observable, "A", there is a corresponding Hermitian Operator, "A^". The result of measuring "A" must be an eigenvalue of "A^". If such an operator has eigenvalue "a" and corresponding eigenstate "phi", then the probability of measuring "a" is the positive value of ("phi"|"psi") all squared. If the result of a measurement of "A" is "a", then the state of the system changes to the eigenstate "phi". Between measurements, "psi" evolves according to the Time-Dependent Schrodinger Equation.

HMB: ...

HDT: ...

APLR: What this means in layman's terms is that the state of your bowel movement cannot be independently observed without opening the system and releasing toxic gases. You have a Schrodinger's Crap situation.

HDT: ... and now I am touching socks.

56👍 7👎

Christian

A person who believes in the teachings of Christ. Christianity was originally canonized and collated by the Roman Catholic Church. In the late 1500s, Henry VIII of England split with the Church and founded a Protestant Church. Later offshoots of this Protestant faith reached America and gave rise to the large number of different denominations and sects of Christian faith.

Statistics indicate that Christianity is the religion with the largest number of believers worldwide.

Christianity shares many facets of faith alongside the other Abrahamic faiths Judaism and Islam. All are monotheistic, all stress kindness to your fellow men, and all faiths maintain that the path to true happiness lies in devotion to God and the adherence to guidelines set out in canonical texts, whether these be the Old Testament, the New Testament, or the Quran.

"I can't seem to get any water out of my faucet and the bathtub backs up with dirty smelly water. I've tried Draino and Clorox and nothing works. I think I should call a Christian."

"Dude, don't you mean a plumber."

"Actually yeah you're right. I need a plumber."

958👍 1080👎

air boob

The practice of holding a hand out the window while driving at high speed and "cupping" the oncoming air as though it were a boob.

HMB: Hey, mind if I open a window?

DTM: Sure. Did you fart?

HMB: No, I just want to grab an air boob.

DTM: Ahhh, yes. Air boob time!

HMB: AIR BOOOOOOOOB!

(Both roll down windows, grab air boob.)

DTM's dad (confused): ..."air boob"...?

42👍 15👎