police sting

A "stealth bust" or "undercover bust". This describes the delightful surprise you get when a woman's breasts appear to be average or small when she's normally dressed, but then actually turn out to be unexpectedly large when she's naked. Also known as an "FBI visit", "CIA doorknock", or "Mossad strike" (or indeed any organization known to be stealthy... so not the NYPD, presumably).

AC (who is female): So, Bing, how did your date with that hot Indonesian chick go?
HMB (who is male): I'm still dazed.
AC: What happened?
HMB: Well, we caught a movie and then had dinner. After a glass of wine she asked to see my apartment, so I took her back. And you'd never believe it, but when I got her bra off, they almost poked my eyes out!
AC: Dear me. A police sting?
HMB: Aye.
AC: Get out! She looks so petite and slender!
HMB: You've got that right. She's the last person I'd have suspected of smuggling grapefruits. But hot damn! It was like dead heat in a zeppelin race in there.
AC: How big are they?
HMB: I'm guessing about 1.7 to 2.1 British Standard Handfuls. Not sure though. I might have to go back for more testing.
AC: Yes. Do that. Now.

49👍 11👎

fauxthority

1. An adjudicating person or body that is spuriously invoked in order to win an argument or discussion, especially where no such body actually exists.

2. An air of supreme knowledgeability and pretentiosity, projected by a person who will speak at length and with great opinion, on topics of which he or she actually has only a passing grasp at best.

(In this example, both HMB and DrB are using fauxthoritative arguments, and both are displaying fauxthority.)

HMB: Sylvia Saint's finest asset is her bottom.
DrB: You lie. It's her breasts.
HMB: Surely not. For breasts, q.v. Brianna Banks, Asia Carrera, et al. Theirs are much larger.
DrB: Your argument hinges on the theory that quantity is preferable to quality. In defence of the alternative view, Sylvia Saint is entirely natural, as can be deduced when viewing her in the reclining attitude.
HMB: Be that as it may, her breasts are much smaller, at most 0.94 British Standard Handfuls. By comparison, Asia Carrera weighs in at a hefty 2.09 BSH.
DrB: Yes, but is it not spoken in the Book of Erogenis that "Reckon thee the food in thy bowl the same as thou wouldst reckon the tits on thy concubines: that any more than a mouthful will be wasted?"

(Discussion continues as both speakers get to indulge their vanities in this verbal equivalent of public masturbation.)

42👍 6👎