book boyfriend

The hero Male character in the romance novel you're currently reading. Because real men suck at romance, the book boyfriend exists to fill the void.

"Who's Gabe again?"
"The badtard son of a rodeo clown who has a heart of gold and a lurid past."
"And where did you meet this guy?"
"I didn't. He's my book boyfriend. "

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flash handy

The fastest handy ever! The hand job equivalent to knocking off a "quickie".

Guy:"Damn girl, I'm horny as fuck!"
Girl:"My mom will be back soon- only have time for a flash handy."

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Quarter deck

Punishment imposed by your DI when you're a jarhead that fucked up royal. Often involving murderous sets of pushups or other calisthenics.

"Get your ass on the quarter deck and start pushing, maggot!"

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lame duck husband

When a husband who used to be king shit in his house and marriage becomes powerless because his wife caught him doing something on the down low, and she refuses to leave him- but uses her knowledge of this event as emotional blackmail hence, usurping his powers- preventing him from any activity she deems unfit or not to her liking.

"Where's Sean? He's supposed to be my darts partner tonight!"
"Man- Jenn caught Sean fucking around with Kourtney. He's a lame duck husband from here on out!"

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Assworked

When you go down on a girl and just before she comes, slide a lubed finger in her ass to jolt her over the edge.

Woman: "I was never into butt stuff until my man assworked me last night!"

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Office mom

The woman at the office (or any work place, really) who can always be relied upon for things your mom would always have or be prepared for, ie; snacks, tampons, bandaid, postage stamps, lunch money, sage advice. Everyone loves the office mom.

Girl co-worker: "Do you have a tampon and any chocolate?"
Girl co-worker:#2: "Sure do- help yourself, third desk drawer."
Girl co-worker: "Thanks, office mom!"

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nosepacker

Slang for rhinal rocket - a packing used to treat severe nosebleeds. Not to be confused with nosepicker, a person who frequently needs a nosepacker from all that digging in their freaking nose.

"I need a nosepacker stat! This bleeder is severe!"

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