armchair mercenary

an individual, typically male, who incessantly second guesses the outcome of military battles recreated on television. Often addicted to the History Channel, has never served in the armed services, but is an active member of the NRA, an avid gun collector, yet doesn't hunt. Can be somewhat oblivious to spousal interests or needs.

Armchair mercenary: "Bla, bla, bla, then you know honey, if Brigadier General Warren's scouts hadn't found Little Round Top undefended, then Colonel Vincent wouldn't have led his brigade up the hill and set up a picket line. If General Lee's troops had just arrived there, say, just 10 minutes earlier, 20 tops, the Battle of Gettysburg would have been a Confederate victory! The rest would be history! Hey, grab me another beer, would ya?"
Wife: "You are sooo smart, snookums! You're my favorite armchair mercenary! Get your own beer, but just one! Remember? I've got to go, uh..... go and visit my sick friend again."
Armchair mercenary: "Hey, what if the Rebel snipers had had Barrett 50s with match ammo? Where'd I put the remote?

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"Jesus wept."

John 11:35. The shortest verse in the King James version of the Bible. Translated from the original Greek, εδακρυσεν ο ιησους, literally meaning, "Jesus wept.". Perhaps the sole verse in the Bible that people actually "get" without guidance. Rarely open to interpretation, only cross-reference. Having said that, what many don't understand is that it may sum up the entire New Testament in two simple words. (Note: emphasis on the word, may.)

When someone starts to say what the Gospel according to John really meant when it said, "Jesus wept.", just walk away! It could be a money scam. Caveat emptor.

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mockabilly

ersatz rockabilly music; an affectation of rockabilly relying upon an exaggerated, overly repetitive "hiccup" combined with slick, often overdubbed recording techniques lacking the verve or raw, energetic talent and drive of the original rockform

DJ: Hey Dude, Bobby Vee's "Rubber Ball" was total mockabilly! Its even had symphonic backup and Jersey chicks singing "bouncy, bouncy"!
Dude: Whaa? Violins? Not fiddles? Northern chicks? Uncool, daddio!

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"Where's it at?"

a question to which the literal answer is, "between the 'is' and the 'at'." Sometimes, albeit rarely, the proper answer depends upon what the meaning of the word 'it' is. Considered obfuscating by some posing the defined expression.

Prosecutor: "Where's it at?" (meaning the missing 10 million dollars in question)
Indicted guy: "Between the 'is' and the 'at'."
Prosecutor: "Isn't that not an incomplete sentence and rather literal and evasive?"
Indicted guy: "Oh, you're good! Touché! Next question."

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bankcorruptcy

when a trusted banking institution is forced to file for bankruptcy protection as a direct result of its unethical or illegal financial practices and gross mismanagement of its shareholders funds

Angry guy: Dude! I just heard on the news that our bank is filing for bankruptcy!
Really angry guy's friend: Hey, call it what it really is! It's 'bankcorruptcy'! 'Nemo Me Impune Lacesset', bro!!! What say we organize us a good old Tea Party and storm their corporate headquarters?

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obamanation

a state of beauty and grace; paradoxically, an antonym of the nearly identical sounding word, abomination

Wilhelm: "Let the obamanation begin!"
Vlad: "What! Your attitude surprises me!"
Wilhelm: "Typically,you misunderstand. What I said was, obamanation, not abomination. Big difference."
Vlad: "I smell neologistic revisionism!"

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flocculation

the socially deviant act of fornication with multiple farm animals. Considered by some, an irredeemable sin as it transcends common bestiality.

Bernie: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. Since my last confession, I have engaged in flocculation with three sheep, big time. But only once."
Padre: "My son, for you, you sick little bastard, there can be no salvation!"

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