jack martin

The most amazing guy in the world. Whenever he gives you "the look", the flood gates open wide. He'll read you bedtime stories and cry himself to sleep. He has a schlong equivalent to the size of a sweet gherkin, and isn't afraid to show it off to all the ladies. He's excellent at making commitments, if they involve emotional torture and eternal condemnation. His opinion is always correct, and he won't stop making senseless noise until you agree with him. He's beautiful. He's perfect. He's a duck.

Gee whiz, Mom. Now that you're single I recon you should abduct that Jack Martin fellow. He's quite the catch!

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