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The most self-righteous, self-important, incredibly arrogant generation of all time. The progeny of the Greatest and Silent Generations, who grew up with the hardship of the Great Depression and won World War 2, the baby boomers had everything handed to them on a silver platter from day 1.
They act as if the world (particularly THEIR progeny, Generations X and Y) owes them a gigantic debt of gratitude for how they perceived they changed society. They romanticize their promiscuous, drug-induced escapades as having been some sort of Earth-shaking cultural movement that changed the course of history. As if they were the first and last generation to get fucked up and have random sex, and as if that somehow changed the world.
By the 80s every hippie had somehow lost touch with his values of altruism, free love, and selflessness, and had transformed into a suit-wearing, cutthroat yuppie. By now he's a middle-class suburbanite slob. Growing increasingly irrelevant, the baby boomer is trying to insist that his generation was God's gift to the world when in reality it was a selfish, petty, hedonistic generation that turned its back on everything it once stood for.
With modern medicine and a society that is increasingly health-conscious, the boomers are guaranteed to live on for decades beyond their utility, leeching off their posterity (a younger generation smaller than their predecessors, the first Americans who failed to reproduce at a sustainable rate) to the very end.
Baby Boomers: You punk kids should show some respect for your elders!
Punk Kid: Weren't you the ones who invented the phrase "Don't Trust Anyone Over 30?"
2449π 318π
Like Domino's Pizza, a chain of fast food restaurants run by hardcore Christian fundamentalists. Unlike Domino's, however, Chick-fil-a's food doesn't suck.
Although I have reservations about giving my money to religious fanatics the food at Chick-fil-a is just too damn good to pass up.
99π 70π
Scientologist shorthand for their fanatic, boy-touching scam artist of a messiah, L. Ron Hubbard.
Tom Cruise placed Baby Suri's crib in a shrine stacked with LRH memorabilia in the hopes that her Thetan would absorb his aura and as a means of protection against Xenu 's henchmen.
54π 31π
A state directly north of Texas whose inhabitants imitate the dress, speech, and culture of Texans, whose claim to fame is being adjacent to Texas. Also known as Oklahoma.
I wanted to take a road trip down to Texas but since my car broke down I only made it as far as Texas Jr.
26π 5π
A radioactive wasteland you may mistakenly find yourself should you be visiting New York. If you end up here it likely means you accidentally entered the on ramp for the Lincoln Tunnel. Either that or you're trying to get to Pennsylvania or all other points west.
The inhabitants of North Jersey are orange-skinned freaks who speak a bastardized pastiche of English, Italian, and Ebonics and who eke out meager livings selling drugs and extorting local businesses for protection money. The inhabitants of South Jersey are cannibalistic subhuman swamp people who live in mud huts deep in the wilderness of the Pine Barrens. They will rape and then devour the unfortunate soul who wanders into their domain and search his remains for money to use on the slots in Atlantic City, their only potential source of income.
Shit, we're in New Jersey. Don't panic, just keep the windows rolled up and the doors locked.
78π 52π
The act of shoving a Barbie doll up your asshole feet first. The doll's unrealistic physical dimensions make it easy to slide deep into one's rectum until only the head is visible.
My gay threesome with Alan and Julio was going great until they held me down and gave me a Malibu Dream House. I still can't get the brown and red stains off my favorite Skipper.
45π 5π
The day 9/11 will officially become funny, as all tragedies become funny after 22.3 years.
I can't wait to start telling my best bin Laden jokes on January 11, 2024.
98π 20π