metalhead

Loyal obsessors over the music genre of metal and it's several subgenres. They are often elitist assholes who hate any band that has more than 5 fans. Metalheads may also try to be noncomformists but usually do not succeed due to the fact that they end up blending in with all the other retarded metalheads in their cult. Metalheads enjoy cheesy corpse paint, butt rock, and sometimes, satan. They also enjoy pissing people off and saying "SLAYER!" at completely random and innoportune times because they think they are cool. They find all music besides metal inferior, and if you insult one of the bands they like, they will launch a personal attack at you. Essentially, metalheads think they are better than everyone else because their music has technical guitars, shitty vocals, double bass drumming, violence, satan, and anarchist themes. And black metal fans like to kill small animals.

Metalheads like to grow their hair out to feminine lengths and never wash it. They wear large clothing and graphic, black band tees. They never smile in pictures and headbang when they listen to music with headphones. For entertainment, they like to poke people in the emotional spots that hurt the most to feel satisfied about their lack of achievement in their metal obsessed lives. They often play weirdly shaped, ugly, angular black guitars with almost non-existant necks (see: BC Rich) through crappy solid state modeling amps like Line 6's. They also think that high output pickups are the only pickups that sound good. They shun larger quality guitar companies like Gibson and buy Schecters because they think Korean assembly line guitars somehow top American hand made models, for a lower price of course. When they encounter other guitar players who do not shred, they immediately decide that these players suck, even though their personal attempts at shredding sound like pure shit. Metalheads play guitar with distateful amounts of gain and too much treble.

1. Guy: "I don't really like Slayer."
Metalhead: "FUCK YOU! YOU IDIOTIC PIECE OF SHIT, YOU HAVE NO TASTE IN MUSIC!!! SLAYERRRRRRR!"

2. Guy: "I like Children of Bodom."
Black Metal Fan: "You're retarded, that band SUCKS. THEY'RE SO MAINSTREAM!!!! How could you like a band whose records don't sound like they were recorded on a four-track!?!?"

3. Guy: "I like *insert mainstream rock band here*."
Metalhead: "They SUCK. They have too many fans! And they play powerchords!!11! OMG EW POWERCHORDS."

(Note: Even most metal bands use powerchords in their music. Sorry, you superior metalheads.)

4. Guy: "I'm feeling depressed."
Metalhead: "Go slit your wrists and die, you fucking pussy."

89👍 128👎