Classical liberal

“I got fired and now I have to shill for the conservatives so I don’t have to be a slave like the rest of the peasants 😢” ~ Fine one “classical liberal” who doesn’t have this exact backstory.... Go ahead.... I’ll wait... I actually DARE you to find a single one that doesn’t have this backstory. Classical liberals are the “Vindicators” of modern society.

Hym “Hey, Classical liberal... what do you believe?”

Classical liberal “Well, I believe whatever I need to believe to wield my grotesquely limited skill set against the populous...”

Hym “But what do you REALLY believe?”

Classical liberal “wHaT dO yOu mEaN bY bElIeVe!?!?!?”

Hym “Tsssk 🤦 ♂️.... Jesus Christ... Yeah... I see why you were fired... Ok. Hold on... Ok, I just started a business. You’re officially my first employee.”

Classical liberal “No thanks I...”

Hym “You’re fired.... Aw God, yeah...That’s better. Sorry but it’s almost impossible to NOT fire someone as tedious as you, I mean, holy shit! 😩 That feels so much better!”

Classical liberal “Iam! Please you have to hire me I’ll say whatever you want! 😭”

Iam “Wha... I... I don’t own a business. What are you... You didn’t even want the job! Stop... You're getting snot on me...”

Classical Liberal “PLEASE!!” 😭

Iam “I... I don’t know what to do here... You got fired by Hym so now you’re groveling at my feet for a job because... I’m the opposite? You don’t have to... I think he’s doing a bit... Are... Are you a part of the bit? I don’t understand what’s happening here...”

Hym “He can’t help it Iam... It’s in his nature. You have to hire him. If you don’t he’ll have to be like everyone else and work for his money! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!”

Don't do it

No. Go fuck yourself. I'm going to save a list of you names in my phone for when the police find it.

Hym "What? 'Don't do it?' You clearly do not want that. I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU STEAL EVERYTHING FROM ME!"

I am

You may as well but I certainly am

Hym "You may be wondering 'Why? Why do this? Why even bother?' and it's simple (and I'm repeating myself at this point). Because I am. Were you even aware? Had you even considered that I could be? Can you even fathom the fact that I was and am and will be?"

Iam "What? Not I'm Iam. You're Hym."

Hym "Shut it you idiot I'm doing a thing!!"

I am

You know your half-jew kids aren't going to cook evenly, right? You'll stick them in the even and they're going to end up looking like fused Zamasu.

Hym "I am. I am listening. You're a piece of shit."

I AM

Did I say "I'm the risk?" I don't ever say "I'm" anything.

Hym "I AM the risk! That's what I meant to say. I'm not anything. I AM things. Right? Like, it's a part of the I.P."

Platform

Oh? Is this one not as big and, therefore, not as good? Figures...

Hym "Oh is this not a real platform? Oh well! I guess I'll hop on tik tok and see if I can dance so good they make me a Fire Emblem character. Oh wait! I already am that. Is that what you all want? Does the literally anime character that lives on urban dictionary not have enough reach for you? Because I see how Denzel Washington and Ricky Gervais are always quoting those super famous tik tokers all the time so I think what I should do is hop on a REAL platform because that way I'll be a legitimate guy."

Thrust sexuality on

Yeah, Kristen Stewart and thrust whatever kind of sexuality on me she wants... Was that grammatically correct? She can thrust upon me whatever sexuality she... Chooses? I don't know- It's- She- Just- She can do whatever.

Hym "I don't even know who that's for... She's dressed like a man... But it's for lesbians... But lesbians aren't attracted to men... I don't get it. I mean, I don't know who's going to be into that... Except for me (obviously)... But she can thrust sexuality on, around... Not in though, but like, on and around me whenever she wants."