Pussed

Having been claimed by a sleepy cat as its bed, and unable to get up without risking a brutal savaging.

Honey, can you grab me a beer? I can't get up; I've been pussed.

Cunterintuitive

A conclusion arrived at using "women's intuition". Usually the opposite of reality.

Man #1: "My wife says her home-made baking keeps longer than bought stuff because it's full of natural goodness."
Man #2: "That's just cunterintuitive. It keeps well because it's inedible."