Defensive Boner

The tightening of the urethral sphincter to prevent the flow of urine. Increased blood flow to the penis constricts the urethra so you don't piss yourself in your sleep.

Sarge: "Holster that weapon private!"

Pvt P.P: "It's a defensive boner sir! I really have to pee!"

Mud kiss

A point blank, bare assed fart to the lips.

"Can I give you a mud kiss on the lips?"
"Yeah! Where else would you give a mud kiss?"

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