LFP

Low Fat Potential.

A really good thing. If you think the girl you’ve been dating might be the one, first you need to see what her mom looks like. If her mom is 50 but looks 40, works out daily, never eats junk food and weighs 110 lbs., you have nothing to worry about. If you marry this girl, she will never gain weight and keep her cute figure forever. She has LFP. The opposite, HFP, is a really bad thing.

“I might ask Chloe to marry me, she’s cute and petite, and she has LFP. I met her mom, and she is thin and slender.”
“Dude, you better check again. I think that’s her step-mom. Her real mom weighs over 200. Chloe has HFP, not LFP.”
“Dang, that’s a dealbreaker.”

HFP

Also known as High Fat Potential. If a girl's mom is obese or is a fat slob, that girl has HFP.

Even though Ellie is hot and petite, her mother must weigh 250. Ellie has HFP--if you marry her, in 20 years, watch out.

onion ninjas

They sneak up you when you're watching a movie and a real touching scene comes along and all of a sudden tears are streaming down your cheeks. Hallmark movies are infested with onion ninjas.

We were watching the movie Crash when that little girl ran outside to give her daddy the "invisible cloak" just as the angry Persian guy shot at him, and we all thought he had shot Michael Pena's daughter--only to discover the Persian guy's daughter had earlier put blanks in his gun...oh boy, did the onion ninjas sneak up on everyone when we learned the little girl was OK.