Smartphone Cruising

When someone peppers their Facebook updates around the time they go to, and come back from work - they are 'Smartphone Cruising'.

They're looking for an excuse to pull out their new iPhone/Nexus to show off to everyone in the carriage that they have a Bleeding Edge phone/cell.

They have no friends, but hundreds of Facebook Friends - so updating your status gives a 'Smartphone Cruiser' something to do with their gadget.

Usually practised by male Uber geeks, of The Great Unwashed variety. In the mistaken and laughable belief that women will become aroused.

(They won't).

George: Hey! Melvin is spamming my Facebook feed with his updates again.
Mike: On his way to work?
George: I guess...
Mike: He's showboating his iPhone - y'know, 'Smartphone Cruising'?
George: Uh. True!

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Vanity Tweet

These are tweets sent out by Twitterers with a vast collection of followers, but who only follow a handful themselves. Generally the celeb end of the spectrum.

Noted for inanity and the transparent 'need to be appreciated' usually displayed by the sender.

When Shakespeare said 'All the world's a stage...' He didn't mean this.

{on the phone}

Kelly: Kim Kardashian has just had a Mocha Latte! She was going to have a biscotti, but can't risk the calories!
Dan: Honey, I'm... um, thrilled about Kim's "Vanity Tweet", but I've got to get back to designing this hydroelectric plant we're building in the Caucasus.

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Gleetheist

One who does not worship at the alter of Glee. Often proudly and vocally so.

Dad-figure (*gripping lapels*): This Glee programme. I just. Don't. get it? What's it about?

Son: I don't care that you don't get it.

Daughter: Yeah Dad. Stop being such a Gleetheist.

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