Blackbeard's nephew

If a woman becomes obese and starts growing facial hair

Dude, did you see that lady at pump 3? She's got a mild to severe case of Blackbeard's nephew. I'd hate to see what her snatch looks like

Manhattan Monday

When you're taking a patients temperature by mouth, so they can only breathe through their nose, and you fart in their face.

Miss Carlisle in room 53 was being an absolute twat earlier asking for pain meds, so when I went to take her temp I demolished her olfactory receptors with a Manhattan Monday