Suburban vertigo

Disorientation one experiences while traveling around residential and commercial zones in and around a city. Feeling lost while driving around a location for the first time.

I would have made it to the bar mitzvah sooner, but my goddamn suburban vertigo put me going West on Oak St when I thought I was going East.

Read Colossians

To go poop. Colossians is the shortest book in the Bible and can be read in 3-5 min—while going #2.

After three burritos and a side order of nachos, I snuck away from the family to go read Colossians.

White Trash Russian

A cocktail, popularized by comedy legend Doug Stanhope, consisting of plastic jug vodka and Yoo-Hoo.

Skip the Grey Goose, Charlie. We’re making White Trash Russians, and you won’t taste the difference.

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