Barry Zito

The Sun god. He once beat up Apallo. Then he came down to earth to say "What's up?" to Billy Beane. Billy Beane then, out of fear and admiration, gave Barry Zito a contract to play on the Oakland A's.

Now, why Barry Zito came down to say Hi to Billy is uncertain. Maybe, Barry felt compassion for that unfortunate soul.

Anyway, contrary to previous beliefs, Billy does not run the team. He's merely Barry's puppet. See, Barry is too humble a man to claim control of an entire entity. Also, according to a wallpaper provided by the A's website, he throws a wicked curve. He also calls everyone dude.

This "curve" that is alluded to, was initially what Barry would use to fight while up in the place where the Sun god resides. When he came down to earth, he used it to fool his opposition. However, while in the Sun god's residence, he threw fireballs. Here on earth, he throws baseballs. He is so awesome though, that he adjusted to this change in the matter of mere seconds.

Also, Barry is so humble, his most valuable possesion, besides the world, is his guitar, which he uses to control the weather, and not his Cy Young Award, which he deserves each and every year, but defers it, because he believes in giving others a chance.

All in all, Barry is a great man, and we should all learn from his example.

Thank you, Barry, you are truly an inspiration to us all.

Barry Zito is the controller of the weather, and he commands, and demands, a sacrifice of three sheep, a cantaloupe, a guitar pick, and a large pizza from Domino's.

The last time he got angry, Indonesia was almost completely wiped out. So, don't make him angry.

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