Spaffically

Adverb; in a manner pertaining to sudden and violent ejaculation.

Lucy spaffically threw her work book against the wall, and rejoiced as it was shot to pieces by autonomous gun-turrets.

Unable to contain her pathological need for deception, Alice spaffically blurted out lie after lie, regardless of how unconvincing her statements were.

Sheriff John, holding the lifeless exoskeleton of his cyborg deputy, spaffically screamed at the sky as to why fate had stripped him of his colleague, life partner, and masseur.

A Bit Of A Wank On

A phrase that describes when an object is shaking or vibrating in an abnormal or particularly violent fashion.

"Y'see these ceiling fans, Barry?", Joshua McTrousers called to his workmate. One fan wasn't secured properly and was shaking side to side whilst spinning. "Yes, the middle one has got a bit of a wank on, hasn't it", Barry concurred. Joshua tightened his grip on his tool case. "I'll have this fixed by the day's end, or my name isn't Joshua McTrousers!"

Alice's car had a bit of a wank on, as her complete lack of practical skill had led her to think that the best replacement for a flat tire was a square one.

"Controlling resonance in mechanical systems is a challenge for designers", Professor Gardenhose explained. "If you don't control it properly, your resultant engine might run with a bit of a wank on."

Bastard Hot

A term used to describe when an object reaches a temperature in excess of what would normally be considered 'hot'.

Mr. Spanners addressed the classroom. "Listen up, students, this is an important physics lesson. A cup of tea is hot. An oven is really hot. The lava currently melting through the roof is bastard hot."

"Don't touch! It's bastard hot!”, Jeff the blacksmith shouted across the workshop as Alice stared hypnotically at the glowing orange lump of metal, fresh from the brazing hearth. These warnings fell on deaf ears, as Alice's poor judgement and dull intellect instructed her to pick up the metal piece, promptly rewarding her for this action with second-degree burns.

"But, Dr. McVillainous, the lair's tar pits only need to be hot enough to dispose of pesky superheroes and former employees. Raising the temperature to bastard hot will not provide any advantage and will only raise our fuel bills....", the nervous advisor quivered as he delivered his report.
Dr. McVillainous raised his hand and slapped his subordinate hard across the face. "I want to strike fear into the hearts of men! Nothing short of bastard hot will do!"