Jean Claude Van Damme

A ballerina from Belgium with a speech impediment who really likes to do splits.

Van Damme hasn't made a good movie yet, though, he keeps trying, which is great because now we get to celebrate his mediocrity with him --how original.

I've actually heard he's a pretty nice guy which makes little difference to most Americans because they have no fuckin' clue where Belgium actually is located on a map since Geography and History are both taught as one subject in school.

Person 1: Did you see the last Jean Claude Van Damme movie?

Person2: Please tell me it will be his last --ever.

Person1: He didn't make any promises.

Person2: Oh my god, help me! I've been Van Dammed!

13👍 20👎

crazier than a rat trapped in a tin shithouse

Phrase old fuckers used to use to describe really fucked-up seemingly normal people. All bets are off in this situation because now this means the batshit crazy person loses their shit pretty fast and wants to fuck someone up real bad. My advice: run. The short modern version is: crazier than a shithouse rat. The clean version is: crazier than a rat trapped in a tin hen-house, but dont' even use this version around more than three women who are over 30 or they will fold their arms, lower their head a little while glaring at you --like you just offended their pussies.

That Jenkins is "crazier than a rat trapped in a tin shithouse"

29👍 14👎