Artie

Fat (F-A-T as in obese, not P-H-A-T as in cool). A totally gross man, inable to perform sexual acts due to size, he/it instead stalks women belonging to other men and tries to instigate an affair which never works out as he/it is foul then he/it proceeds to lie and stalk said victim accumulating the point of an attempted leg humping which results in a beating.

Most often sighted in South Eastern Washington, near the Oregon border, not too familiar with human speech patterns, does not understand speeach such as, "Artie, stop calling at 3 in the morning!". Be warned if you come across this creature! Calling the name Artie out when spotted could lead to a lardaceous(cholesterol filled, fat, fatlike, greasy) pursuit, which trust us, you don't want.

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