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ColdFusion For Douchebags

The title of a fictitious book, used as an insult towards technology programmers who tend to lean towards the ColdFusion platform due to its simple to learn nature despite the fact they lack any programming skills whatsoever.

What? They hired Dan to do CF programming? He sucks! I hope he picks up his copy of ColdFusion For Douchebags!

by Jocko Tam February 21, 2008

19πŸ‘ 5πŸ‘Ž


thought bot

A person who miscellaneously asks for someone else's thoughts on a particular subject, usually to fill an uncomfortable silence or to hide the fact that the person knows little about the subject.

Jeff: We have a fair amount of bug fixes to address. Thoughts?
Jake: Uh yeah... you're right.

Jeff: The deadline is tomorrow. I need you to finish by then.
Sam: We can't, they added too much to the spec.
Jeff: It's really important that we do. Thoughts?
sam: Being a thought bot doesn't get this shit done, pal.

by Jocko Tam July 28, 2009


Door Flagging

When a manager forcefully or dramatically closes the door when a subordinate enters his or her office, an action used to notify nearby employees or passers-by that the subordinate is in trouble and is about to be disciplined.

Jim: Wow! Karla slammed her door when Peter walked in.
Kelly: Yeah, she's door flagging. Peter was late again and Karla wants us all to know we're fucked if we start showing up late too.

by Jocko Tam July 21, 2009

10πŸ‘ 1πŸ‘Ž


schizomanagement

An ineffective form of management involving steep and sudden changes in direction with seemingly no pattern. People who adopt this form of management often create contradictory directives.

Julie: It's 4pm, I'm off. See you tomorrow.
Karla: What? You don't just leave at 4pm. There are still open issues to resolve.
Julie: Understood, I'll finish up.
Karla: Look, you can't just assume that we can pay you overtime. Your shift ends at 4pm, so if you stay later you need to get it approved first.
Julie: Are you certified in schizomanagement?

by Jocko Tam July 21, 2009


YMV

YMV is a word game intended to fool unwitting participants into asking a "where" question so that the respondent can reply with an answer ending in "your momma's vagina."

Jake: Check out this wrist watch. You wouldn't believe where I found it.
Micky: It's nice, where'd you get it.
Jake: Your momma's vagina!
Micky: Crap, YMV...

Roy: I was up late last night. Know where I went?
Albert: Where dude?
Roy: Your momma's vagina!
Albert: Dude I suck at YMV!

by Jocko Tam February 21, 2008

22πŸ‘ 14πŸ‘Ž


Berry Down Syndrome

The irrational belief by employers and supervisors that making use of a BlackBerry phone during the business day will result in a lack of productivity. Micro managers are usually afflicted by this disorder.

Susie: I'm off. I'm going to call my friend for a ride home.
Jojo: Down. Susie, down. Down. Put it down.
Susie: What the hell are you talking about?
Jojo: Down, berry down. Put it down. Down, put the berry down. Down, put it down. Down. Down.
Susie: You have Berry Down Syndrome, get help!

by Jocko Tam July 18, 2009

10πŸ‘ 2πŸ‘Ž


circumcise

To whack off chunks of dick.

Doctor: Would you like me to circumcise your newborn?
New Mom: Hmm, should I?
New Dad: What? Maul his cock? Ah fuck it, go ahead...

by Jocko Tam December 24, 2012

250πŸ‘ 431πŸ‘Ž