Bill Clinton

A do-nothing president who is conferred God-like status for liberals. See also John F. Kennedy. Like Kennedy, often credited with accomplishments he actually didn't have. For instance, "Under Clinton we never had any terrorist attacks" (see USS Cole, African Embassy Bombings and Oklahoma Federal Building); "Under Clinton, we never had any wars" (see Bosnia, Yugoslavia, Kosova, Serbia, Iraq, Somalia and Rwanda - all of which except Iraq were civil wars and conflicts that had NO affect on American national security); "The economy is worse now than it was when Clinton was in office/ Clinton made the economy better" (the president does not have the power to "make" an economy better - that is achieved mostly through lending and monetary policy set by the Federal Reserve, which is not subject to Presidential authority. This is still a relatively free-market economy, and one man is not capable of affecting it drastically one way or another); "Clinton spent more money on education" (George W. Bush has spent more on education, especially with the passage of No Child Left Behind, a horribly bloated piece of over-spending crap legislation in its own right); "Clinton spent more money on welfare and minorities" (Clinton cut welfare to minorities and poor people for the first time since the Johnson administration - it is the only redeeming quality he has in the eyes of politically conservative Americans). When one pulls ones head out of ones ass and examines what the hell Clinton actually DID do while he was in office, one draws a less glamorous and more realistic picture of the man as a President. Also known for receiving oral sex from a 20 year old White House intern, lying about it to Congress and being the only president to be impeached and not removed from office. Among his other accomplishments are taking more overseas trips on taxpayer funds than any other President in history, hiking taxes, reducing defense spending, over-regulating the CIA, NSA, FBI and other security organizations, making them less effective at their jobs and unable to effectively coordinate, smiling, and making eloquent, yet completely meaningless and useless political speeches. Was previously the governor of one of America's most impoverished and redneck states, yet is inexplicably not thought of as a redneck or an uneducated hillbilly like his successor.

Liberal: Bill Clinton saved America from famine, flood, economic disaster, herpes, AIDS, poverty, hurricanes, pollution, racism, premature ejaculation, debt, theft and cancer.

Conservative: Clinton didn't do any of that.

Liberal: NO BLOOD FOR OIL!

Conservative: What? What are you talking about?

Liberal: Don't be a racist!

Conservative: <blink>

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