Baltimore Bitch Slap

The act on your partner by wielding your spikeless tree (dick) like a baseball bat and rotating it across the face with your eyes closed making the perfect angle to give a cucumber welt on the side your partner’s cheek bone portraying the size of your very own whilst saying in an most aggressive Baltimore accent, “Honey, now you’re perfect.”

Me and my partner were getting at it and I could not stand the sight of my tings face as it was obnoxiously white since the AC was up, so I decided to give my ting the mischievous gift of mine and went straight for the Baltimore Bitch Slap. Holy dick, she went down so fast I opened my eyes and fate must’ve does the rest because this huge red shape popped up like some magician’s trick and stayed there. My partner asks does it look okay? All I said was, “Honey, now you're perfect.”

Wellphone

The phone that should be treated as your significant other I.E.: Don’t be harsh to it, don’t overuse it, don’t get angry with it, treat it respectfully, don’t lose it, and occasionally buy it a new outfit (case)

John, how is the new wellphone treating you?
Ya, actully I got in a fight with it this morning because it wouldn’t let update an app, but we good now